The Beginning or The End?

[Ninjaa]

It's been a long time since I have even visited this place. For those who don't know me, I left about a year or so ago, and I had the second greatest number of posts on this forum when I left. On my way out, I spoke my mind, requested my post count cut to zero, and I swore to myself I would never return here. I wasn't banned or punished, but it wasn't very pleasant for anyone involved. I won't go into the details, but I am sure that if you are curious, you can find out for yourself easily enough.

What brings me back? Many things. First and foremost is that I have been drinking all day, and I am starting to feel the alcohol. Those of you who know me will probably remember me as the drunk guy in the corner wearing all black and swinging a sword around like it was a toy. That much hasn't changed. Other reasons why I am posting this now is that I was talking to a good friend of mine who is a resident of these forums. He very much wants me to come back, and says as much every time we talk. That seriously makes me feel like an ass, as there's a lot of people around here who I know want to see me come back, and I just don't have a good reason for not doing so. Plus, leaving in the way I did always struck me as wrong, as I always felt that the manner in which I left would cause the person I left because to break out with the champagne, simply because I was gone. I hate to lose. I also must admit that I read my last thread again a week ago. It has been a very long time since I read it, and even though I knew what was there, I had the same reaction that I had when I first read it. I will probably remember that day forever. It wasn't my finest moment. When I first read my "goodbye" thread, I was in a student computer lab at my University. When I read the nice things that people said about me, my resolve faded to nothing. I hated myself for leaving, and I actually started crying when I read all the nice things that people said about me.

But there are also many reasons why I should not come back. Firstly, I will not show any respect or anything of the sort to this person of which I speak. The problem here is that he is an admin. I disagree with his position because in my opinion, he does not behave in a manner befitting an admin. I was often nominated by the members here for an admin position myself, but I always made it clear that I would not accept such a position, even if offered, because I would not like to be restricted by the set of behaviors and responsibilities that an admin should carry. The person of which I speak has broken pretty much every law I did not want to be an admin myself because of. The other reasons I suppose I have broken simply by being here. I swore when I left that I would never return. I frequently break promises to myself, but that one was different. To break it would be breaking my code of honor, which I hold sacred. But what can I say? Alcohol makes me do dumb things. I told my friend last night that I would make my decision to come back when I was sober. I did make that decision, and I thought it was the dumbest idea ever to come back. After a few beers things change though. Which leads me here. Another very good reason for me not coming back is that I have nothing to talk about. I am a Nintendo person. I buy Nintendo consoles and nothing else. I do not support emulation of modern Nintendo consoles. I hate Microsoft. I do not like Sony. In case you hadn't noticed, there isn't even a Dolwin forum here, although every PS2 and XBox emulator have their own forum. That speaks volumes about how welcome I am here. Besides, most of the people who I did talk to a lot back in the day seem to be gone for the most part. There's nothing here for me anymore. My last reason for not coming back is simply that I give no guarantee that I will stay here. When I left, I am sure that most people thought I would be back within a month, but I stayed gone. Like I said, there's nothing here for me anymore. For all I know, I could stay here a week just to confirm my suspicions for myself, then leave for good.

At any rate, if you are reading this far, it means one of two things. You are curious about the battle that's sure to be brewing, or you have some stake vested in this.

So, I have a proposal to put forward. If you are an admin here, and your name is NOT Kane, or a variant of it, ban me right now if you don't want me around. I have given reasons to both keep me and ban me. It's your decision, and I give you full permission to ban me if you don't want me here. You don't need just reason. If your name is Kane or a variant of it, and you are an admin, and you want me gone, then I give you full permission to piss up a rope.

If you are a regular user, then put your vote down. I just want to know how welcome I am around here these days. I am not saying that I am back or not just yet. I have already breached a major rule that I put down a long time ago simply by posting here though.

PS: For those of you wondering, the posts on April 1st last year were done by someone else who I had given my password to. It was an April Fool's joke. This post now is the real deal.