Robot Unicorn Attack [The Internets/iPhone/iPod]

[snickothemule]

Open your eyes, I see

Unicorns are the most majestic, ethereal, awe inspiring, beautifully rare creatures that may or may not exist. Little do we know they are actually the most hardcore full on beasts ever devised by god and who have no fear. [Adult Swim] have achieved the near impossible feat of discovering a real life unicorn, somehow majestically recording their death defying exploits and simulated it for us to enjoy on either teh interwebs or the iPhone/iPod.

Your eyes are open

Robot Unicorn Attack features a beautiful Robot Unicorn attack running across the most peaceful landscape you could ever possibly imagine, complete with rainbows, gorgeous mountains, robot dolphins that playfully glide along with our heroic stallion and a gentle, calming purple hue over everything. His goal is simple, get as far as possible over the forever scrolling level trying not to die, his magnificent rainbow mane flowing as he gallops over deathly ravines as he collects robotic fairies. Yes the premise is that fabulous.

Wear no disguise for me

This Unicorn has a bit of a mean streak in him however, as we cannot control him directly. We have but two options to guide him as he automatically gains speed the further you progress, those being jump and dash. Holding down jump sends the Unicorn into a gorgeous leap, complete with rainbows trailing behind him as sparkles rain down behind him. Tap jump again and he gets another boost, allowing him to avoid falling to his impending doom.

This Unicorn makes me have feelings I never knew existed

Come into the open

The dash however gives us a glimpse as to how terrifyingly powerful the Unicorn really is, as he transforms into a dashing rainbow coloured beam of death which completely obliterates the star shaped obstacles in his path. He does this without mercy, without passion, just a completely devastating force that leaves anything in his wake (mainly the stars) an exploding mess, his strength never lessening, his vigour never waning, just an unrelenting force of pure majesty. All things considering it is incredibly manly.

Always, I wanna be with you

Robot Unicorn attack is a side scrolling game of chaining together movement and dashing attacks to gain points, the whole time avoiding running into stars or the environment. Collect you first fairy and get 10 points, collect the next one and get 20 points, next one get 30 and so on. Do the same with the path obstructing stars by dashing through them and you accumulate a score of 100, 200, 300 ecetera. The real kicker is missing one of the collectibles, as doing so resets your combo chain back to the beginning. This can be a problem as the whole goal here is to get the most points you can to make the unrealistic task of being top of the leader board.

And make believe with you

The most exciting thing about this game is the difficulty, as the robot unicorn perpetually gains speed your reflexes go from being nice and controlled, to frantically jerking every time you see a thing gap to run through, or a fairy that is just out of reach, your index finger nervously hovering over the dash attack in case of another star in your path, the whole time gaining unrelenting speed and before you know it you crash into a wall, his poor robot head flying into nothingness. To say this game is addictive is both terrible clichéd and blatantly wrong. To put it quite simply, your soul needs to play this game.

I promised myself I wouldn’t cry.

And live in...

To say watching the Robot Unicorn is a beautiful sight is to behold is far too simple a statement to use. For a flash game it is absolutely gorgeous on just about every front. His running animation is staggeringly smooth, his main flowing behind him mesmerising, his leaps wonderfully detailed out, and when the dolphins join in you will squeal with absolute glee, and you will be happy, and with Erasure’s “Always” track playing in the background there is no way could ever be mad at this game. The iPhone version sports a lower res model than the internets version thanks to the small screen, thankfully all the content is there, including Facebook connectivity and leaderboard submissions

....harmony, harmony oh love

This game is damn near perfect, it may only be small, it may only be simple in nature, but the culmination of beautiful animation, gorgeous looks and feverish difficulty, Robot Unicorn is a game that no man, woman or child should miss. No matter how frustrated you could possibly get, Robot Unicorn attack will calmly stroke your hair, embrace you in a hug and tell you it’s all going to be alright, even when he does end up in an exploding mess, his severed head crying as you discover your pitifully low high score.

Visuals – 98
Audio – 97
Gameplay – 97
Overall – 97

Robot Unicorn Attack is the most fabulous game ever made. Play it with pride.

__________________

My grass is the greenest.