Jokes Store Here !!!

ryu_joko · November 22nd, 2001

(Act 1)
Ah Beng to a long-distance telephone operator : "COULD YOU PLEASE TELL ME THE TIME DIFFERENCE BETWEEN Taipei AND Las Vegas?"
Operator: "JUST A MINUTE..."
Ah Beng: "THANK YOU," AND PUTS DOWN THE PHONE.

(Act 2)
At a bar in New York,the man to Ah Beng's left tells the bartender,
"JOHNNIE WALKER, SINGLE" and his companion says, "JACK DANIELS, SINGLE".
The bartender approaches Ah Beng and asks, "AND YOU, SIR?"
Ah Beng replies: "Tan Ah Beng, MARRIED."

(Act 3)
After completing a jigsaw puzzle he'd been working on for quite sometime, Ah Beng proudly shows off the finished puzzle to a friend.
"It took me ONLY 5 MONTHS TO DO IT," Ah Beng brags.
"FIVE MONTHS? THAT'S TOO LONG." the friend exclaims. "YOU ARE A FOOL".
Ah Beng replies, SEE THIS BOX, IT IS WRITTEN "FOR 4-7 YRS".

(Act 4)
Ah Beng had just bought a new computer and was using it when he encountered some problems. He decide to use the 'Help' command after some tries. Soon after, he become very irritated and called the computer retailer for support.
Ah Beng: "I pressed the 'F1' key for help... but it's been over half an hour & still nobody has come to help me...."

(Act 5)
Ah Beng with two red ears went to his doctor. The doctor asked him what had happened to his ears and he answered, "I was ironing a shirt and the phone ring lor- but instead of picking up the phone, I accidentally picked up the iron and stuck it to my ear. ?
Oh Dear!" the doctor exclaimed in disbelief. "But what happened to the other ear?"
"That stupid dumb called back!"

Act 6)
Why did Ah Beng go to a movie with his 18 friends?
Because below 18 was not allowed.

vivrantpig · November 22nd, 2001

lol funne

Fury · November 22nd, 2001

...lol

**Shiori** · November 22nd, 2001

Mostly old jokes (especially the Iron one), replaced with another name. But classic jokes nonetheless.... I wonder why you picked on Taiwanese, though....

**Ryos** · November 22nd, 2001

Shiori: the most interesting thing about the jokes to me is that Ah Beng's name is very similar to a very strange friend of mine from back in the day, which made admittedly old jokes more humorous because I could see him saying stuff like that.

**Shiori** · November 22nd, 2001

LOL!

wish i had an acquaintance like that. :P

**kairi00** · November 22nd, 2001

Ah Beng is actually a Singaporean slang..... IIRC, Ah Beng is used to describe any ordinary guy on the street..... Ah Lian is the girl version of that.

ryu_joko · November 22nd, 2001

Come on guys, post your jokes here !!!,
i want to laugh too y'know!!!

Gk1986 · November 22nd, 2001

my cousin's name is Ah Beng....

**Ryos** · November 22nd, 2001

ryu_joko: I don't try to find humor, so I have no jokes to share.

**Betamax** · November 22nd, 2001

Quote:

Originally posted by ryu_joko
Come on guys, post your jokes here !!!,
i want to laugh too y'know!!!

I'd better not. In the last joke thread we had mine were so bad that one of the admins locked the thread!:eek:

**Ryos** · November 22nd, 2001

Quote:

Originally posted by Betamax
I'd better not. In the last joke thread we had mine were so bad that one of the admins locked the thread!:eek:

If you posted fewer dirty jokes, it wouldn't be a problem.

**Betamax** · November 22nd, 2001

Quote:

Originally posted by kairi00
Ah Beng is actually a Singaporean slang..... IIRC, Ah Beng is used to describe any ordinary guy on the street..... Ah Lian is the girl version of that.

Ah. Kinda like paddy (Patrick) over here then.

Gk1986 · November 22nd, 2001

or your average joe here in US.

ryu_joko · November 23rd, 2001

*****, .............
just that.

**Ryos** · November 23rd, 2001

Fine...random jokes.

George W. Bush and Osama bin Laden are having a conversation via Al Jazeera television. Bin Laden tells George Bush, "There is no point of engaging in further war. I can see total peace in the future!"

George Bush replies, "Oh yeah and tell me what you see?"

Osama answers, "I can see New York, with new great buildings on one side and beautiful new buildings on the other side, and everything is peaceful and wonderful."

George Bush says, "Wow is that what you see? Well I'll tell ya what I see for the future of Afghanistan... I see a house here, a house there, a small building here and small building there, but there are signs hanging in the middle of the street."

Osama asks, "And what do they say?"

George answers, "Hell, I don't know. I can't read Hebrew!"

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

What to not say to the nice policeman:

I can't reach my license unless you hold my beer.

Sorry, Officer, I didn't realize my radar detector wasn't plugged in.

Aren't you the guy from the Village People?

Hey, you must've been doing about 125 mph to keep up with me! Good Job!

I thought you had to be in relatively good physical condition to be a police officer.

I was going to be a cop, but I decided to finish high school instead.

Bad cop! No doughnut!

You're not gonna check the trunk, are you?

Gee, that gut sure doesn't inspire confidence.

Didn't I see you get your butt kicked on Cops?

Wow, you look just like the guy in the picture on my girlfriend's nightstand.

Is it true that people become cops because they are too dumb to work at McDonald's?

I pay your salary!

So, uh, you on the take or what?

Gee, Officer! That's terrific! The last officer only gave me a warning, too!

Do you know why you pulled me over? Okay, just so one of us does.

I was trying to keep up with traffic. Yes, I know there is no other car around--that's how far ahead of me they are.

What do you mean, "Have I been drinking?" You're the trained specialist.

Well, when I reached down to pick up my bag of crack, my gun fell off my lap and got lodged between the brake pedal and the gas pedal, forcing me to speed out of control.

Hey, is that a 9mm? That's nothing compared to this .44 magnum!

Hey, can you give me another one of those full body cavity searches?

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Different Ways To Say ''You're Stupid''

A few clowns short of a circus.
A few fries short of a Happy Meal.
An experiment in Artificial Stupidity.
A few beers short of a six-pack.
Dumber than a box of hair.
A few peas short of a casserole.
Doesn't have all her cornflakes in one box.
The wheel's spinning, but the hamster's dead.
One Fruit Loop shy of a full bowl.
One taco short of a combination plate.
A few feathers short of a whole duck.
All foam, no beer.
The cheese slid off her cracker.
Body by Fisher, brains by Mattel.
Couldn't pour water out of a boot with instructions on the heel.
He fell out of the stupid tree and hit every branch on the way down.
An intellect rivaled only by garden tools.
As smart as bait.
Chimney's clogged.
Doesn't have all his dogs on one leash.
Doesn't know much but leads the league in nostril hair.
Elevator doesn't go all the way to the top floor.
Forgot to pay her brain bill.
Her sewing machine's out of thread.
His antenna doesn't pick up all the channels.
His belt doesn't go through all the loops.
If she had another brain, it would be lonely.
Missing a few buttons on his remote control.
No grain in the silo.
Proof that evolution CAN go in reverse.
Receiver is off the hook.
Several nuts short of a full pouch.
Skylight leaks a little.
Slinky's kinked.
Surfing in Nebraska.
Too much yardage between the goal posts.
Not the sharpest knife in the drawer.
The lights are on, but nobody's home.
24 cents short of a quarter.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Bill Clinton was arriving back to the White House from a trip to Arkansas with a pig under each arm. A secret serviceman greeted him.
"Nice pigs, sir!"
"Thank you. Though these are no ordinary pigs -- they're Arkansas Razorbacks! I got one for Hillary and one for Chelsea."
"Nice trade, sir!"

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Did you hear about the Alabama Lottery? You can win $20 dollars every year for the next million years.

Fou-lu · November 23rd, 2001

An officer pulled over a car and after looking at the woman beside the driver he says: Come on, you won't tell me you weren't drinking!

November 22nd, 2001	#1 (permalink)
ryu_joko I'm dangerous Join Date: May 2001 Location: Jakarta Posts: 504	Jokes Store Here !!! (Act 1) Ah Beng to a long-distance telephone operator : "COULD YOU PLEASE TELL ME THE TIME DIFFERENCE BETWEEN Taipei AND Las Vegas?" Operator: "JUST A MINUTE..." Ah Beng: "THANK YOU," AND PUTS DOWN THE PHONE. (Act 2) At a bar in New York,the man to Ah Beng's left tells the bartender, "JOHNNIE WALKER, SINGLE" and his companion says, "JACK DANIELS, SINGLE". The bartender approaches Ah Beng and asks, "AND YOU, SIR?" Ah Beng replies: "Tan Ah Beng, MARRIED." (Act 3) After completing a jigsaw puzzle he'd been working on for quite sometime, Ah Beng proudly shows off the finished puzzle to a friend. "It took me ONLY 5 MONTHS TO DO IT," Ah Beng brags. "FIVE MONTHS? THAT'S TOO LONG." the friend exclaims. "YOU ARE A FOOL". Ah Beng replies, SEE THIS BOX, IT IS WRITTEN "FOR 4-7 YRS". (Act 4) Ah Beng had just bought a new computer and was using it when he encountered some problems. He decide to use the 'Help' command after some tries. Soon after, he become very irritated and called the computer retailer for support. Ah Beng: "I pressed the 'F1' key for help... but it's been over half an hour & still nobody has come to help me...." (Act 5) Ah Beng with two red ears went to his doctor. The doctor asked him what had happened to his ears and he answered, "I was ironing a shirt and the phone ring lor- but instead of picking up the phone, I accidentally picked up the iron and stuck it to my ear. ? Oh Dear!" the doctor exclaimed in disbelief. "But what happened to the other ear?" "That stupid dumb called back!" Act 6) Why did Ah Beng go to a movie with his 18 friends? Because below 18 was not allowed. __________________ Arrrrggghhhh!!!! this is $#!+

November 22nd, 2001	#3 (permalink)
Fury Registered User Join Date: Oct 2001 Location: Around Posts: 362	Re: Jokes Store Here !!! ...lol __________________ Final Fantasy freak... Shiori fanclub menber

November 22nd, 2001	#4 (permalink)
Shiori :3 Join Date: Aug 2001 Location: Seoul, South Korea Posts: 10,116	Mostly old jokes (especially the Iron one), replaced with another name. But classic jokes nonetheless.... I wonder why you picked on Taiwanese, though.... __________________ "...And when I finally meet you again, I want to ask you - have you found what you were looking for? Because that's what I felt you were doing, all these years. And I want to hear you answer, "Yes, I have, thank you for asking," and we'll be together again, until the end of our days..."

November 22nd, 2001	#5 (permalink)
Ryos Revenger of Vengeance Join Date: May 2001 Location: Nowhere Posts: 11,250	Shiori: the most interesting thing about the jokes to me is that Ah Beng's name is very similar to a very strange friend of mine from back in the day, which made admittedly old jokes more humorous because I could see him saying stuff like that. __________________ Sanity is overrated.

November 22nd, 2001	#6 (permalink)
Shiori :3 Join Date: Aug 2001 Location: Seoul, South Korea Posts: 10,116	LOL! wish i had an acquaintance like that. :P __________________ "...And when I finally meet you again, I want to ask you - have you found what you were looking for? Because that's what I felt you were doing, all these years. And I want to hear you answer, "Yes, I have, thank you for asking," and we'll be together again, until the end of our days..."

November 22nd, 2001	#2 (permalink)
vivrantpig (>^_^)> KIRBY Join Date: Sep 2001 Posts: 2,609	lol funne

November 22nd, 2001	#7 (permalink)
kairi00 Puchiko-nyu! Join Date: Jul 2001 Location: 49° 11' N 123° 10' W Posts: 2,854	Ah Beng is actually a Singaporean slang..... IIRC, Ah Beng is used to describe any ordinary guy on the street..... Ah Lian is the girl version of that. __________________ "Not every ejaculation deserves a name." --- George Carlin

November 22nd, 2001	#8 (permalink)
ryu_joko I'm dangerous Join Date: May 2001 Location: Jakarta Posts: 504	Come on guys, post your jokes here !!!, i want to laugh too y'know!!! __________________ Arrrrggghhhh!!!! this is $#!+

November 22nd, 2001	#9 (permalink)
Gk1986 Bringer Of Destruction Join Date: Sep 2001 Posts: 3,716	my cousin's name is Ah Beng....

November 22nd, 2001	#10 (permalink)
Ryos Revenger of Vengeance Join Date: May 2001 Location: Nowhere Posts: 11,250	ryu_joko: I don't try to find humor, so I have no jokes to share. __________________ Sanity is overrated.

November 22nd, 2001	#14 (permalink)
Gk1986 Bringer Of Destruction Join Date: Sep 2001 Posts: 3,716	or your average joe here in US.

November 23rd, 2001	#15 (permalink)
ryu_joko I'm dangerous Join Date: May 2001 Location: Jakarta Posts: 504	*****, ............. just that. __________________ Arrrrggghhhh!!!! this is $#!+

November 23rd, 2001	#16 (permalink)
Ryos Revenger of Vengeance Join Date: May 2001 Location: Nowhere Posts: 11,250	Fine...random jokes. George W. Bush and Osama bin Laden are having a conversation via Al Jazeera television. Bin Laden tells George Bush, "There is no point of engaging in further war. I can see total peace in the future!" George Bush replies, "Oh yeah and tell me what you see?" Osama answers, "I can see New York, with new great buildings on one side and beautiful new buildings on the other side, and everything is peaceful and wonderful." George Bush says, "Wow is that what you see? Well I'll tell ya what I see for the future of Afghanistan... I see a house here, a house there, a small building here and small building there, but there are signs hanging in the middle of the street." Osama asks, "And what do they say?" George answers, "Hell, I don't know. I can't read Hebrew!" ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------- What to not say to the nice policeman: I can't reach my license unless you hold my beer. Sorry, Officer, I didn't realize my radar detector wasn't plugged in. Aren't you the guy from the Village People? Hey, you must've been doing about 125 mph to keep up with me! Good Job! I thought you had to be in relatively good physical condition to be a police officer. I was going to be a cop, but I decided to finish high school instead. Bad cop! No doughnut! You're not gonna check the trunk, are you? Gee, that gut sure doesn't inspire confidence. Didn't I see you get your butt kicked on Cops? Wow, you look just like the guy in the picture on my girlfriend's nightstand. Is it true that people become cops because they are too dumb to work at McDonald's? I pay your salary! So, uh, you on the take or what? Gee, Officer! That's terrific! The last officer only gave me a warning, too! Do you know why you pulled me over? Okay, just so one of us does. I was trying to keep up with traffic. Yes, I know there is no other car around--that's how far ahead of me they are. What do you mean, "Have I been drinking?" You're the trained specialist. Well, when I reached down to pick up my bag of crack, my gun fell off my lap and got lodged between the brake pedal and the gas pedal, forcing me to speed out of control. Hey, is that a 9mm? That's nothing compared to this .44 magnum! Hey, can you give me another one of those full body cavity searches? ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- Different Ways To Say ''You're Stupid'' A few clowns short of a circus. A few fries short of a Happy Meal. An experiment in Artificial Stupidity. A few beers short of a six-pack. Dumber than a box of hair. A few peas short of a casserole. Doesn't have all her cornflakes in one box. The wheel's spinning, but the hamster's dead. One Fruit Loop shy of a full bowl. One taco short of a combination plate. A few feathers short of a whole duck. All foam, no beer. The cheese slid off her cracker. Body by Fisher, brains by Mattel. Couldn't pour water out of a boot with instructions on the heel. He fell out of the stupid tree and hit every branch on the way down. An intellect rivaled only by garden tools. As smart as bait. Chimney's clogged. Doesn't have all his dogs on one leash. Doesn't know much but leads the league in nostril hair. Elevator doesn't go all the way to the top floor. Forgot to pay her brain bill. Her sewing machine's out of thread. His antenna doesn't pick up all the channels. His belt doesn't go through all the loops. If she had another brain, it would be lonely. Missing a few buttons on his remote control. No grain in the silo. Proof that evolution CAN go in reverse. Receiver is off the hook. Several nuts short of a full pouch. Skylight leaks a little. Slinky's kinked. Surfing in Nebraska. Too much yardage between the goal posts. Not the sharpest knife in the drawer. The lights are on, but nobody's home. 24 cents short of a quarter. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- Bill Clinton was arriving back to the White House from a trip to Arkansas with a pig under each arm. A secret serviceman greeted him. "Nice pigs, sir!" "Thank you. Though these are no ordinary pigs -- they're Arkansas Razorbacks! I got one for Hillary and one for Chelsea." "Nice trade, sir!" ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Did you hear about the Alabama Lottery? You can win $20 dollars every year for the next million years. __________________ Sanity is overrated.

November 23rd, 2001	#17 (permalink)
Fou-lu Junker daughter Join Date: Jun 2001 Posts: 2,289	An officer pulled over a car and after looking at the woman beside the driver he says: Come on, you won't tell me you weren't drinking!

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