President George W. Bush's Resume!

[Katsuya]

My god this is humorous and depressing... read it all!

-data-

George W. Bush's Resume

By: Kelley Kramer - 04/25/03

I recently had an email exchange with a right-winger from my local newspaper, and of course the war with Iraq came up pretty quick. But he said something in defense of George Bush that really surprised me. In defense of the attack on Iraq he said 'between Hussein and Bush, Hussein is the bad guy'.

My first response was ... So your guy is better than a third world dictator, Wow! what an accomplishment! Does he put that on his resume?

And with that in mind, I started wondering ... what would a George W. Bush resume look like exactly? I did some research and Listed below is what I came up with.

--George W. Bush Resume--

Past work experience:

I was arrested in Kennebunkport, Maine
in 1976 for driving under the
influence of alcohol. I pled guilty,
paid a fine and had my driver's
license suspended for 30 days.
My Texas driving record has been "lost"
and is not available.

MILITARY
I joined the Texas Air National Guard
And went AWOL for over twelve
months. I refused to take a drug test
or answer any questions about
my drug use.
By joining the Texas Air National
Guard, I was able to avoid combat
duty in Vietnam.


COLLEGE
I graduated from Yale University with a
low C average.
I was a cheerleader.

PAST WORK EXPERIENCE
I ran for U.S. Congress and lost.
I began my career in the oil business
in Midland, Texas, in 1975.
I bought an oil company, but couldn't
find any oil in Texas. The
company went bankrupt shortly after I
sold all my stock.
I bought the Texas Rangers baseball
team in a sweetheart deal that
took land using taxpayer money.
With the help of my father and our
friends in the oil industry
(including Enron CEO Ken Lay), I was
elected Governor of Texas.


ACCOMPLISHMENTS AS GOVERNOR OF TEXAS
I changed Texas pollution laws to favor
power and oil companies,
making Texas the most polluted state in
the Union.
During my tenure, Houston replaced Los
Angeles as the most
smog-ridden city in America.
I cut taxes and bankrupted the Texas
treasurey to the tune of
billions in borrowed money.
I set the record for the most
executions by any governor in American
history.
With the help of my brother, the
governor of Florida, and my >father's
appointments to the Supreme Court, I
became President after losing >by
over 500,000 votes.


ACCOMPLISHMENTS AS PRESIDENT
I am the first President in U.S.
History to enter office with a
criminal record.
I invaded and occupied two countries at
a continued cost of over one
billion dollars per week.
I spent the U.S. surplus and
effectively bankrupted the U.S.
Treasury.
I shattered the record for the largest
annual deficit in U.S.
History.
I set an economic record for most
private bankrupties filed in any
12-month period.
I set the all-time record for most
foreclosures in a 12-month >period.
I set the all-time record for the
biggest drop in the history of the
U.S. stock market.
In my first year in office, over 2
million Americans lost their jobs
and that trend continues every month.
I'm proud that the members of my
cabinet are the richest of any
administration in U.S. History. My
"poorest millionaire," >Condoleeza
Rice has a Chevron oil tanker named
after her.
I set the record for most campaign fund
raising trips by a U.S.
President.
I am the all-time U.S. and World record
holder for receiving the >most
corporate campaign donations.
My largest lifetime campaign
contributor, Kenneth Lay, presided over
the largest corporate bankruptcy fraud
in the U.S. History, at >Enron.
My political party used Enron private
jets and corporate attorneys >to
assure my success with the U.S. Supreme
Court during my election
decision.
I have protected my friends at Enron
and Halliburton against
investigation or prosecution. More
time and money was spent
investigating the Monica Lewinsky
affair than has been spent
investigating one of the biggest
corporate rip-offs in history.
I presided over the biggest energy
crisis in U.S.History and refused
to intervene when corruption involving
the oil industry was >revealed.
I presided over the highest gasoline
prices in U.S. History.
I changed the U.S. policy to allow
convicted criminals to be awarded
government contracts.
I appointed more convicted criminals to
my administration than any
President in U.S. History.
I created the Department of Homeland
Security, the largest
bureaucracy in the history of the U.S.
Government.
I've broken more international treaties
than any President in U.S.
History.
I am the first President in U.S.
History to have the United Nations
remove the U.S. from the Human Rights
Commission.
I withdrew the U.S. from the World
Court of Law.
I refused to allow inspectors access to
U.S. "prisoners of war"
detainees and thereby have refused to
abide by the Geneva >Convention.
I am the first President in history to
refuse United Nations >election
inspectors (during the 2002 U.S.
election).
I set the record for fewest number of
press conferences of any
President since the advent of
television.
I set the all-time record for most days
on vacation in any one-year
period.
After taking off the entire month of
August, I presided over the
worst security failure in U.S. History.
I garnered the most sympathy for the
U.S. after the World Trade
Center attacks and less than a year
later made the U.S. the most
hated country in the world, the largest
failure of diplomacy in
world history.
I have set the all-time record for most
people worldwide to
simultaneously protest against me in
public venues (15 million
people), shattering the record for
protest against any person in
history.
I am the first President in U.S.
History to order an unprovoked,
pre-emptive attack against, and
military occupation of, a sovereign
nation, I did so against the will of
the United Nations, the >majority
of U.S. Citizens, and the world
community.
I have cut healthcare benefits for war
veterans and support a cut in
duty benefits for active duty troops
and their families - in >wartime.
In my State of the Union Address, I
lied about our reasons for
attacking Iraq, and then blamed the
lies on our British friends.
I am the first President in history to
have a majority of Europeans
(71%) view my Presidency as the biggest
threat to world peace and
security.
I am supporting development of a
nuclear "Tactical Bunker Buster"
WMD.
I have so far failed to fulfill my
pledge to bring Osama Bin Laden >to
justice.
All records of my tenure as governor of
Texas are now in my father's
library, sealed and unavailable for
public view.
All records of SEC investigations into
my insider trading and my
bankrupt companies are sealed in
secrecy and unavailable for public
view.
All records or minutes from meetings
that I, or my Vice-president,
attended regarding public energy policy
are sealed in secrecy and
unavailable for public view.


PLEASE CONSIDER MY EXPERIENCE WHEN VOTING IN 2004.



-data-

[wise_evian]

Yup thats Bush for you.. hehe if he can make it as pres. we all have a chance at becoming rulers of the world!!!

[Boltzmann]

If this guy...



has a chance to become the most powerful man in the world, then maybe it's time for me to try becoming a brazilian dictator

BTW, the world still votes

[RZetlin]

I have seen Bush's "resume" before.

It's not updated with the current events.

[Solid_Snake]

A suggestion:

Katsuya Why dont you make a Perpetual News thread since you've been bring out news here

[Syed Fawad]

Why did Americans made George Bush their President?

[Solid_Snake]

Bec Bush has been cheated on thier last election

[Syed Fawad]

So he became the President againt the general American's will?

[bcrew1375]

I'm not so sure. One of my managers at work said she would take Bush over Kerry this coming election. The only reason she gave was "He's against abortion." Is one thing like that anyway to choose a President?

[SC_Steve]

ehhhh.... n/m

[Viper_Viper]

Originally Posted by Syed Fawad

Why did Americans made George Bush their President?

It was a gigantic screw-up. Al Gore won the more votes than Bush did in the votes by the population, but in the USA, they set something up WAY back went we first became a country called the Electoral Collage. It was set up to keep "Uneducated, Stupid Southerners" from making a mistake when voting because they were thought to have no capability to engage in politics. The Electoral Collage is basically a group from each state that makes a vote that is “representative” the whole state’s vote. There are 538 Electoral votes spread across all the states by population. Higher population equals more Electoral votes.

Look here for information on our way of decideing a president. I personaly do not like it because we, the population, are not acualy voteing.

[Strider]

*cough* these images speak for themselves

[Arpanet]

www.dubyaspeak.com

Some of my favorite W quotes...

"So I met a guy today named Joe.... He said, by allowing businesses to expense up to $75,000, it means somebody is more likely to buy a copying machine, or in this case, an architectural fancy machine."

"A small business owner's outlook is improved when there's a new product available that says, gosh, I'm meeting the needs of my employees and also being able to better control costs."

"We got attacked by a bunch of cold-blooded killers. And the attack hurt. It hurt our psyche because we thought oceans could protect us. It hurt the fact -- we lost a million jobs after September the 11th."

"Homeownership is at the highest rate ever. That means there's more people ever in our history are able to say, "I own something. I own my own home." I went to Pearl's home and it was pretty special. Really special, wasn't it? She said, "This is my home." When I walked up the stairs, she didn't say this is anybody else's home, but her home. She said, "Would you come into my home, please."

"The march to war hurt the economy. Laura reminded me a while ago that remember what was on the TV screens -- she calls me, "George W." -- "George W." I call her, "First Lady." No, anyway -- she said, we said, march to war on our TV screen."

What a swell guy!

[hellmasterx]

I was a cheerleader.

bush is the first clown to run a country in the world.

[Solid_Snake]

I was arrested in Kennebunkport, Maine
in 1976 for driving under the
influence of alcohol

I wonder how he drives the country??

[cloudvii]

very strange , if americans knew all that , why did they even vote for him from the begining , and don't tell me that he cheated at the last round .
as ppl choose him from the begining , right ?

[Dark Watcher]

cloudii...obviously the resume is made up of Bush's worst elements or allegations...

As of late..American voters are forced to choose between the lesser of two evils...basically who has the least (or more acceptable) dirt, who will drive our country down the slowest, or who is the least moron. These are only a few of the qualifications

Look at who we have to choose in the upcoming election... The Bush most of you love to hate...or that tree hugging lunatic Kerry? Watch closely as there debates are less to do with bettering the country, and more to do with slinging mud on the other guys name... Unless some amazing Independant enters the running we will be forced to re-elect Bush...The devil we know is better then the devil we don't know

[bahamut_2006]

I would have to agree with you Dark Watcher. While I am not old enough to vote, I would reelect Bush if the election was right now simply cause I dont know anything about Kerry. He could be far worse you know. But when the debates come its going to be like you said. Their going to be slinging mud at each other so much I dont know if Bush or Kerry will actually tell the American people why they deserve the Presidency.
(Like their policies and stuff like that, although we already know how Bush runs America. Just about everyone outside the US hates us for one reason or another. While I can understand that, people need to realize that the humiliation and embarassment that Bush has created more than suffices for punishment. We went into Iraq and their are no WMDs. Why? Cause Saddam most likely got rid of em between October and March of 2003. I think that would be plenty of time to eliminate anything he had, and now we look like idiots, the Iraqis are slowly beginning to get restless, innocent civilians and soldiers are being killed everyday. If the US did not announce its intent to invade, we would have gotten them off guard and got them with anything they may of had. But in today's world, you cant just invade a sovereign country for no reason. Bush tried to back it up with international support, which didnt really make a difference imo, since it delayed the invasion and reduced the possibility of finding WMDs.

[Arpanet]

Originally Posted by bahamut_2006

I would have to agree with you Dark Watcher. While I am not old enough to vote, I would reelect Bush if the election was right now simply cause I dont know anything about Kerry. He could be far worse you know.

Jesus. That's the worst logic ever. Rather than take action based on your ignorance, why not correct your ignorance? Please don't EVER vote without thoroughly informing yourself about both candidates. As member of a democracy, this is your responsibility.

[Strider]

well at any rate the president is more of a puppet of the party he is in... id rather have a democratic party in power than republican, even if it is kerry on the front page, if anything he can be assassinated and the vp and become the prez