A love story?

Finalbuster · May 26th, 2003

I'm beggining to believe that I'm the only one who posts his problems on this forum... That's soooo sad...
Here's the thing... the new problem I've almost created for myself...
Last year I met my ex-boyfriend... he was the first boyfriend I've ever had. We go to the same university, and have our meals together. Also, we enjoy spending time together, watching tv, playing videogames, whatever...
In february, this year, I decided to break up with my boyfriend... I loved him more as a friend, and I felt that I didn't need him as much as I used to... I thought back then that it was the best for us... I didn't want to be with him, pretending I still loved him, when all I wanted was his frienship...
But, four weeks later after I decided to break up with him, I realized that it was the biggest mistake I've ever made, it was like all the reasons I had to break up with him, dissapeared, leaving me alone... So I gathered all my strength, and asked him to be my boyfriend again... and he said no... It was hard to accept that desition, but I thought: "I wasted my chance with him... I let him go, so now I can't complain...". I decided to rebuild my life after that incident, tried to start dating again, but with no appealing results... during all that time, me and my ex started to build a really great frienship. He helped me when I had trobules and vice versa. But two weeks ago... that damn feeling appeared again... I realized... I love him... but I just couldn't go and tell him: "I love you, please come back to me"... So I decided to keep those feeling for myself... He noticed that there was something wrong with me, so he kept asking:" why are you acting so strange? If you don't want to tell me, then don't come crying later when it's too late for me to do something..." And the same day he told me that... he met this guy... who also studies in our university (what a coincidence...). So, fearing that I could lose him forever, I told him how I felt... and he told me, again, that he doesn't feel the same way about me right now... And here I am. I try to be his friend, I try to listen to the stories he tells me about how happy he is with this new guy, how he hopes that everything will work out fine... and I try to wear a happy face while I tell him to go for it... when inside I'm completely jealous... I don't know what to do... I know I don't have the right to tell him to come back to me, when I was the one who pushed him away in the first place... but I love him... and I want him to be happy...
Probably this is not the right place to post this kind of thing... probably there are gonna be some of you who might feel offended by what I just wrote... but if anyone has gone through something similar, and is willing to share... to tell me what should I do now... he could really help me to put my stupid soul to rest for a while...

**Yeloazndevil** · May 26th, 2003

ummm Finalbuster if u go to the love thread, many ppl post about there love problems and other probs there

and for the topic thats too bad....I wnet through the same thing like u, now she's gone.......but we're are still friends

Violineb · May 26th, 2003

hmm I didn't know Finalbuster was a girl

I can't really suggest anything to you

I probably won't have a relationship with anyone for a rather lengthy amount of time. *sigh*

Finalbuster · May 26th, 2003

Uhh... I'm actually a g.a.y. 21-year-old kid...

**Kane** · May 26th, 2003

>hmm I didn't know Finalbuster was a girl

Did you actualy read what he wrote?
Closest I have to this is Beki-chan. I'm a little heartbroken when she finds a new guy, but it's her happiness that is the most iportant and I can live with it.

Finalbuster · May 26th, 2003

Mr. Kane... I don't think that how you feel now about Ms. Beki-chan will be the same when the moment comes... I thought that I was going to be ok... that I was going to be able to take everything on... but... that's not how things happened... probably it's just me... but, if you really care about someone... and if you have the luck to be loved by that person... never let him/her go...

**Kane** · May 26th, 2003

Well she's had a couple of boyfriends since that time. The first one really annoyed me, and I knew from the outset that he was gonna hurt her. I should have done more than I did to prevent it, but it happened and such is life.
The second guy was a good man. I liked him. He didn't mess her around, and I felt ok with her being with him as he made her happy. I'd rather have her happy with another guy than with me and always wanting to be with someone else.

Finalbuster · May 26th, 2003

That's the whole point... I want to see him happy... I want to see him smile... Even if that implies to see him with this new guy everyday... but... can't he be happy with me, as we were back in those days? And the thing is that I don't know if I should try harder to get him back (wich apparently is making him feel uncomfortable) or if I should let he and this... new guy try it out... I know that if I don't try my best now, later I'll regret it because I didn't do all the things at my reach to gain his love again... but if I try too hard... he may get upset for all my useless attempts.

**Kane** · May 26th, 2003

Don't push it too hard. He's aware of your feelings, and if you push it too hard, you're just gonna end up pusing him away.

Valeron · May 26th, 2003

Hmm , i was thinking that this thread shud be merged with the love thread? so it can get a few more posts for the love thread

:topicoff:

**DarkAurora** · May 26th, 2003

As hard as it may be, you really need to move on. There's nothing wrong with you two just staying friends but you probably need not to be around him for a little while until you can move on. Try and find a new b/f, that'll help you through the situation.

netghost2.0 · May 26th, 2003

It's great that you maintain a cordial relationship with your former boyfriend. I'm no Dr. Phil, however, I question whether this close relationship is in your best interests. Being cordial is one thing but being best buddies with your former lover is asking for trouble since you still will have feelings for each other despite how the relationship ended.

Perhaps some more time away from him will serve you well. I don't mean totally cutting him off from your life or totally avoiding him but obviously, you put this guy in an uncomfortable position since he is dating another guy while you still have an interest in him. It won't make him feel good; it won't make you feel good. Coming to the realization that you still love him and "he's the one" four weeks after you broke up with him isn't enough time to truly sort out your feelings. As said before, you need to maintain some distance and more time away from him.

Best of luck to you...

**DarkAurora** · May 26th, 2003

Argh, this thread started to bring back some feelings for me for a certain someone that I thought I had more with than I did...

I should thank him however. Before him, I refused to allow myself to have any real emotion towards guys. In a way, he taught me how to love.

Finalbuster · May 27th, 2003

Quote:

Originally posted by DarkAurora
Try and find a new b/f, that'll help you through the situation.

If it was as easy as that... I don't think I would have posted this message... It's really hard for me to find someone I can really connect with...

op3n_skill · June 1st, 2003

ouchies, Man......
When you have that special someone gone from you, life becomes somewhat lame and inconsitent......
I had my shares of girl troubles TWICE..
one slipped through me, and the other one left me for another lamer who knows nothing but math and tekken tag.......
listening to [Brian Mcknight - Still]
huhuhuhuh..........

caipirinha · June 1st, 2003

finalbuster old buddy, i can only say that i passed for the EXACT same situation as you , but i'm still here

i felt the same way when i broke up with my ex , he went and met someone who made him really happy, and i suffered like hell, but wishing him to be the happiest he could be. after a time my feeling for him didn't go away, but it changed. I love him but now i don't see him as mine or from that other guy. you know? i just love him for what he is, for all the happinness he brought to me, and for all i wanna give him. we are BIG friends now but suffered like hell before getting where we are.

on the matter of getting him back kane is right, he will come back to you by his own free will, he knows how you feel, but as you felt something different when you decided to break up with him, he is different now too.
try to see things diferently , more positively and try to detatch yourself from the "belong to each other" idea to a "simply love each other"

.

i really hope you get better these things are very complicated and gives so much pain you want to die, but when you get over it you'll be so much more mature to these kind of things, don't give up, be happy

Darkaurora glad it was worth something

, keep growing, keep growing...

**Dark Watcher** · June 1st, 2003

Tis indeed a sad situation...They say that you never know what you have till it's gone. Your situation leaves 2 predicaments

1. We know it's difficult to let go...but your longing for him blinds you from searching for a new love interest. We say this because either you refuse to look...or your comparing other possible lovers to your EX.

2. It's hard remaining friends with a former lover...Not many have the strength to do it. It some cases one will suffer through such situations in hopes that your EX comes crashing and burning in their existing relationship...and comes crawling back on a rebound...If this is indeed your hope..then you must pull away

If however you can cope with just friendship...Then indeed try..the good thing is that you at least have a portion of the love that you have always had.... Refrain from being with your EX when they are around their new lover...Give it time to heal broken wounds...If your friend loves you ..they will accomodate
Fate deals odd hands at times..but if love is meant to be on it's own...In the meantime enjoy life and you may find new love....They say your true love is everywhere except where you look...
Now here is a hug and a cookie from DW...hope one of them makes you smile....

caipirinha · June 2nd, 2003

lol great post DW i was going to advice something similar, you should keep some distance for a while, you will miss him but this will allow you to go on with your life, believe me i've been there

Finalbuster · June 2nd, 2003

Thanks for your words, guys... knowing that somewhere in the world is someone else trying to help me, gives me comfort... I've tried meeting new guys these days, but the test I have in my university doesn't leave me much time to meet new people. I met a guy from the internet this week, but he hasn't wrote back since the day we met (that's soooo not a good sign...). And seeing how things doesn't work with other people, that makes me feel lonely... and I keep coming back to him... the only one who listens to my problems with an open heart... Without him, there'll be only loneliness in my life, considering that in my house, only my mother talks to me, my father doesn't talk to me because... well... he kinda hates me for being ***... and I can only see my mother at night when she comes home from work... none of my other friends call me to see how I'm doing... it's him... he is the only one... Saddly for me, things have been working for him and the new guy... I'm happy for him though... but... I don't know what to do anymore... studying for a test today, I got scared because I couldn't understand the subjects... I freacked out... started crying... blaming myself for my loneliness, for my own stupidity that doesn't allow me to solve a miserable little problem... and... I called him... he gave me hope... I called my friends... and they started talking about how they were doing so well in their tests... all my life depends on him... and if I did what you guys tell me... and I stopped calling him... then my whole world would crumble... I guess I'll have to be every day a little bit stronger, taking one day at a time.

**Dark Watcher** · June 2nd, 2003

Hmm..this is worse then we thought...you have made him your pillar of strength...a crutch if you would.....As if you cannot function without him...

Loneliness is like a terminal disease that kills slow.....we know of this..it's not pretty...However there is always people to talk to...you've taken that step here...

Without inching too close to making this too personal....we have a simple question......Do you love him because he is the love of your life...or do you love him because he seems to be always there for you?...fills the void..the loneliness?...Perhaps you need a bigger hug then...
Hang in there....as you stated...each day you grow stronger..

We recall the days when we would garden ....we used to manually till the soil...at first we were not strong enough to drive the shovel into the ground...but we grew stronger each day we tilled...we recall blisters and open sores appearing on our hands...eventually our hands grew tough and callussed...after that gardening became easy....so is it with real life aye?

May 26th, 2003	#1 (permalink)
Finalbuster Nothing is like before. Join Date: Jul 2002 Location: Santiago, Chile Posts: 581	A love story? I'm beggining to believe that I'm the only one who posts his problems on this forum... That's soooo sad... Here's the thing... the new problem I've almost created for myself... Last year I met my ex-boyfriend... he was the first boyfriend I've ever had. We go to the same university, and have our meals together. Also, we enjoy spending time together, watching tv, playing videogames, whatever... In february, this year, I decided to break up with my boyfriend... I loved him more as a friend, and I felt that I didn't need him as much as I used to... I thought back then that it was the best for us... I didn't want to be with him, pretending I still loved him, when all I wanted was his frienship... But, four weeks later after I decided to break up with him, I realized that it was the biggest mistake I've ever made, it was like all the reasons I had to break up with him, dissapeared, leaving me alone... So I gathered all my strength, and asked him to be my boyfriend again... and he said no... It was hard to accept that desition, but I thought: "I wasted my chance with him... I let him go, so now I can't complain...". I decided to rebuild my life after that incident, tried to start dating again, but with no appealing results... during all that time, me and my ex started to build a really great frienship. He helped me when I had trobules and vice versa. But two weeks ago... that damn feeling appeared again... I realized... I love him... but I just couldn't go and tell him: "I love you, please come back to me"... So I decided to keep those feeling for myself... He noticed that there was something wrong with me, so he kept asking:" why are you acting so strange? If you don't want to tell me, then don't come crying later when it's too late for me to do something..." And the same day he told me that... he met this guy... who also studies in our university (what a coincidence...). So, fearing that I could lose him forever, I told him how I felt... and he told me, again, that he doesn't feel the same way about me right now... And here I am. I try to be his friend, I try to listen to the stories he tells me about how happy he is with this new guy, how he hopes that everything will work out fine... and I try to wear a happy face while I tell him to go for it... when inside I'm completely jealous... I don't know what to do... I know I don't have the right to tell him to come back to me, when I was the one who pushed him away in the first place... but I love him... and I want him to be happy... Probably this is not the right place to post this kind of thing... probably there are gonna be some of you who might feel offended by what I just wrote... but if anyone has gone through something similar, and is willing to share... to tell me what should I do now... he could really help me to put my stupid soul to rest for a while... __________________ Say yes to every opportunity that comes your way, as they may never come back.

May 26th, 2003	#2 (permalink)
Yeloazndevil :3 Join Date: Jul 2002 Posts: 10,147	ummm Finalbuster if u go to the love thread, many ppl post about there love problems and other probs there and for the topic thats too bad....I wnet through the same thing like u, now she's gone.......but we're are still friends Last edited by yeloazndevil; May 26th, 2003 at 01:03.

May 26th, 2003	#3 (permalink)
Violineb Study>Bton/Live>Bmore Join Date: Dec 2002 Location: Bloomington, IN/Baltimore MD Posts: 1,351	hmm I didn't know Finalbuster was a girl I can't really suggest anything to you I probably won't have a relationship with anyone for a rather lengthy amount of time. sigh __________________ PC1: CPU: Pentium 4 3.06 ghz - GeForce 4200 ti - 2x 256MB PC 1066 RDRAM - 120+160GB Western Digital JB PC2: Abit NF7-S -AMD Athlon XP 1700+- 2x 256MB PC2700 Kingston HyperX BH-5 chips!!!! Western Digital 120GB JB GeForce3 Laptop: Sony Vaio VGN-S360 :guitar: 3DFX Voodoo 5500 PCI-Sega Dreamcast May 1999

May 26th, 2003	#4 (permalink)
Finalbuster Nothing is like before. Join Date: Jul 2002 Location: Santiago, Chile Posts: 581	Uhh... I'm actually a g.a.y. 21-year-old kid... __________________ Say yes to every opportunity that comes your way, as they may never come back.

May 26th, 2003	#5 (permalink)
Kane 邪魔ゎ指せない Join Date: Jan 2002 Location: Gosport, England Posts: 26,255	>hmm I didn't know Finalbuster was a girl Did you actualy read what he wrote? Closest I have to this is Beki-chan. I'm a little heartbroken when she finds a new guy, but it's her happiness that is the most iportant and I can live with it. __________________ >Site Live< Pop over to my site for help with setting up PSX emulators. Help for the Final Fantasies and other RPGs avalaible Celes: (Desktop) Athlon 64 X2 4200+, 2Gb 400MHz DDR Ram, MSI K8N Platinum, GeForce 8800 GTS 320Mb, 500Gb RAID HDD, Vista Business Erika: (MCPC) Athlon XP 2400+, 1Gb 400MHz DDR Ram, geForce 6800 256Mb, 80Gb Hdd, XP 2005 MCE Kimiko: (Desktop 2) Athlon 64 3000+, 512Mb 400MHz DDR Ram, Asus K8V, geForce 6800 128Mb

May 26th, 2003	#6 (permalink)
Finalbuster Nothing is like before. Join Date: Jul 2002 Location: Santiago, Chile Posts: 581	Mr. Kane... I don't think that how you feel now about Ms. Beki-chan will be the same when the moment comes... I thought that I was going to be ok... that I was going to be able to take everything on... but... that's not how things happened... probably it's just me... but, if you really care about someone... and if you have the luck to be loved by that person... never let him/her go... __________________ Say yes to every opportunity that comes your way, as they may never come back.

May 26th, 2003	#7 (permalink)
Kane 邪魔ゎ指せない Join Date: Jan 2002 Location: Gosport, England Posts: 26,255	Well she's had a couple of boyfriends since that time. The first one really annoyed me, and I knew from the outset that he was gonna hurt her. I should have done more than I did to prevent it, but it happened and such is life. The second guy was a good man. I liked him. He didn't mess her around, and I felt ok with her being with him as he made her happy. I'd rather have her happy with another guy than with me and always wanting to be with someone else. __________________ >Site Live< Pop over to my site for help with setting up PSX emulators. Help for the Final Fantasies and other RPGs avalaible Celes: (Desktop) Athlon 64 X2 4200+, 2Gb 400MHz DDR Ram, MSI K8N Platinum, GeForce 8800 GTS 320Mb, 500Gb RAID HDD, Vista Business Erika: (MCPC) Athlon XP 2400+, 1Gb 400MHz DDR Ram, geForce 6800 256Mb, 80Gb Hdd, XP 2005 MCE Kimiko: (Desktop 2) Athlon 64 3000+, 512Mb 400MHz DDR Ram, Asus K8V, geForce 6800 128Mb

May 26th, 2003	#8 (permalink)
Finalbuster Nothing is like before. Join Date: Jul 2002 Location: Santiago, Chile Posts: 581	That's the whole point... I want to see him happy... I want to see him smile... Even if that implies to see him with this new guy everyday... but... can't he be happy with me, as we were back in those days? And the thing is that I don't know if I should try harder to get him back (wich apparently is making him feel uncomfortable) or if I should let he and this... new guy try it out... I know that if I don't try my best now, later I'll regret it because I didn't do all the things at my reach to gain his love again... but if I try too hard... he may get upset for all my useless attempts. __________________ Say yes to every opportunity that comes your way, as they may never come back.

May 26th, 2003	#9 (permalink)
Kane 邪魔ゎ指せない Join Date: Jan 2002 Location: Gosport, England Posts: 26,255	Don't push it too hard. He's aware of your feelings, and if you push it too hard, you're just gonna end up pusing him away. __________________ >Site Live< Pop over to my site for help with setting up PSX emulators. Help for the Final Fantasies and other RPGs avalaible Celes: (Desktop) Athlon 64 X2 4200+, 2Gb 400MHz DDR Ram, MSI K8N Platinum, GeForce 8800 GTS 320Mb, 500Gb RAID HDD, Vista Business Erika: (MCPC) Athlon XP 2400+, 1Gb 400MHz DDR Ram, geForce 6800 256Mb, 80Gb Hdd, XP 2005 MCE Kimiko: (Desktop 2) Athlon 64 3000+, 512Mb 400MHz DDR Ram, Asus K8V, geForce 6800 128Mb

May 26th, 2003	#10 (permalink)
Valeron Breathe Join Date: Feb 2003 Location: Kuala Lumpur , Malaysia Posts: 1,378	Hmm , i was thinking that this thread shud be merged with the love thread? so it can get a few more posts for the love thread :topicoff: __________________ Pentium 4 2.4ghz , Gigabyte GA-8SR533P motherboard , Apacer 512 DDR266 Ram , MSI GF4 Ti4200 , Sound Blaster Live! Audigy DE , 60gb Maxtor Hard Disk , SONY 40x CD 16x DVD Rom ,SONY 8x/4x/32x Burner ,19" 300lbs Colour Monitor , Altec-Lansing Speaker , Proton Putra 1.8 EXi :guitar:

May 26th, 2003	#11 (permalink)
DarkAurora Back from the dead Join Date: Jan 2002 Location: Seymour, TN Posts: 3,735	As hard as it may be, you really need to move on. There's nothing wrong with you two just staying friends but you probably need not to be around him for a little while until you can move on. Try and find a new b/f, that'll help you through the situation.

May 26th, 2003	#12 (permalink)
netghost2.0 Disgruntled Domokun Join Date: May 2003 Location: Canada Posts: 612	It's great that you maintain a cordial relationship with your former boyfriend. I'm no Dr. Phil, however, I question whether this close relationship is in your best interests. Being cordial is one thing but being best buddies with your former lover is asking for trouble since you still will have feelings for each other despite how the relationship ended. Perhaps some more time away from him will serve you well. I don't mean totally cutting him off from your life or totally avoiding him but obviously, you put this guy in an uncomfortable position since he is dating another guy while you still have an interest in him. It won't make him feel good; it won't make you feel good. Coming to the realization that you still love him and "he's the one" four weeks after you broke up with him isn't enough time to truly sort out your feelings. As said before, you need to maintain some distance and more time away from him. Best of luck to you... __________________ "Better to reign in hell than serve in heaven." -Milton Shake that booty!

May 26th, 2003	#13 (permalink)
DarkAurora Back from the dead Join Date: Jan 2002 Location: Seymour, TN Posts: 3,735	Argh, this thread started to bring back some feelings for me for a certain someone that I thought I had more with than I did... I should thank him however. Before him, I refused to allow myself to have any real emotion towards guys. In a way, he taught me how to love. Last edited by DarkAurora; May 26th, 2003 at 10:03.

June 1st, 2003	#15 (permalink)
op3n_skill Finally!! :D Join Date: May 2003 Location: Manila, Philippines Posts: 1,840	ouchies, Man...... When you have that special someone gone from you, life becomes somewhat lame and inconsitent...... I had my shares of girl troubles TWICE.. one slipped through me, and the other one left me for another lamer who knows nothing but math and tekken tag....... listening to [Brian Mcknight - Still] huhuhuhuh.......... __________________ Member of "The Pessimistics Club"

June 1st, 2003	#16 (permalink)
caipirinha Change your heart Join Date: Aug 2002 Location: Brazil Posts: 1,986	finalbuster old buddy, i can only say that i passed for the EXACT same situation as you , but i'm still here i felt the same way when i broke up with my ex , he went and met someone who made him really happy, and i suffered like hell, but wishing him to be the happiest he could be. after a time my feeling for him didn't go away, but it changed. I love him but now i don't see him as mine or from that other guy. you know? i just love him for what he is, for all the happinness he brought to me, and for all i wanna give him. we are BIG friends now but suffered like hell before getting where we are. on the matter of getting him back kane is right, he will come back to you by his own free will, he knows how you feel, but as you felt something different when you decided to break up with him, he is different now too. try to see things diferently , more positively and try to detatch yourself from the "belong to each other" idea to a "simply love each other" . i really hope you get better these things are very complicated and gives so much pain you want to die, but when you get over it you'll be so much more mature to these kind of things, don't give up, be happy Darkaurora glad it was worth something , keep growing, keep growing...

June 1st, 2003	#17 (permalink)
Dark Watcher Coffee Demon Join Date: Jun 2001 Location: Darkness, Unknown Posts: 2,898	Tis indeed a sad situation...They say that you never know what you have till it's gone. Your situation leaves 2 predicaments 1. We know it's difficult to let go...but your longing for him blinds you from searching for a new love interest. We say this because either you refuse to look...or your comparing other possible lovers to your EX. 2. It's hard remaining friends with a former lover...Not many have the strength to do it. It some cases one will suffer through such situations in hopes that your EX comes crashing and burning in their existing relationship...and comes crawling back on a rebound...If this is indeed your hope..then you must pull away If however you can cope with just friendship...Then indeed try..the good thing is that you at least have a portion of the love that you have always had.... Refrain from being with your EX when they are around their new lover...Give it time to heal broken wounds...If your friend loves you ..they will accomodate Fate deals odd hands at times..but if love is meant to be on it's own...In the meantime enjoy life and you may find new love....They say your true love is everywhere except where you look... Now here is a hug and a cookie from DW...hope one of them makes you smile.... __________________

June 2nd, 2003	#18 (permalink)
caipirinha Change your heart Join Date: Aug 2002 Location: Brazil Posts: 1,986	lol great post DW i was going to advice something similar, you should keep some distance for a while, you will miss him but this will allow you to go on with your life, believe me i've been there

June 2nd, 2003	#19 (permalink)
Finalbuster Nothing is like before. Join Date: Jul 2002 Location: Santiago, Chile Posts: 581	Thanks for your words, guys... knowing that somewhere in the world is someone else trying to help me, gives me comfort... I've tried meeting new guys these days, but the test I have in my university doesn't leave me much time to meet new people. I met a guy from the internet this week, but he hasn't wrote back since the day we met (that's soooo not a good sign...). And seeing how things doesn't work with other people, that makes me feel lonely... and I keep coming back to him... the only one who listens to my problems with an open heart... Without him, there'll be only loneliness in my life, considering that in my house, only my mother talks to me, my father doesn't talk to me because... well... he kinda hates me for being ***... and I can only see my mother at night when she comes home from work... none of my other friends call me to see how I'm doing... it's him... he is the only one... Saddly for me, things have been working for him and the new guy... I'm happy for him though... but... I don't know what to do anymore... studying for a test today, I got scared because I couldn't understand the subjects... I freacked out... started crying... blaming myself for my loneliness, for my own stupidity that doesn't allow me to solve a miserable little problem... and... I called him... he gave me hope... I called my friends... and they started talking about how they were doing so well in their tests... all my life depends on him... and if I did what you guys tell me... and I stopped calling him... then my whole world would crumble... I guess I'll have to be every day a little bit stronger, taking one day at a time. __________________ Say yes to every opportunity that comes your way, as they may never come back.

June 2nd, 2003	#20 (permalink)
Dark Watcher Coffee Demon Join Date: Jun 2001 Location: Darkness, Unknown Posts: 2,898	Hmm..this is worse then we thought...you have made him your pillar of strength...a crutch if you would.....As if you cannot function without him... Loneliness is like a terminal disease that kills slow.....we know of this..it's not pretty...However there is always people to talk to...you've taken that step here... Without inching too close to making this too personal....we have a simple question......Do you love him because he is the love of your life...or do you love him because he seems to be always there for you?...fills the void..the loneliness?...Perhaps you need a bigger hug then... Hang in there....as you stated...each day you grow stronger.. We recall the days when we would garden ....we used to manually till the soil...at first we were not strong enough to drive the shovel into the ground...but we grew stronger each day we tilled...we recall blisters and open sores appearing on our hands...eventually our hands grew tough and callussed...after that gardening became easy....so is it with real life aye? __________________

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