Relationship problem.How to troubleshoot?

[Wind]

well, i've a girlfriend and our relationship is getting from bad to worse. Initially i thot she was a very nice ger. But after a year, i realise she is more than i can handle......
U see, she has an extreme inferiority complex, and she would sometimes be extremely paranoid and possessive. In the beginning, i would continually try to reassure her, in hoping that this is juz temporary. But after a year, the problem is still there. She would make a fuss (even when i go out with my guy friends!). And always demanded that i REPORT my whereabouts whenever she feels unassured. Becos of her, i seem to be losing frens faster than losing my framerates (not tt my trusty pc had). Wat's worse, she seems to be acting like a 7-yr old ger. She likes to cry alot and doesnt seem to display any maturity. E.g When she is sick, she dun see a doctor. She juz simply says that "it will go away". Or when she had pimples, she doesnt do anything until it gets too serious. It's like taking care of a small child. Well, all these are wearing mi down. We have countless quarrels and everytime we quarrelled, my head hurts. My mood has since turned worst and i get angry often now. In the past, i was a very cheerful guy but now, if a day goes by quietly, i would be happy.
U guys may probably wonder y hav i chosen to write in this forum. Well, i figure that u guys (techies, gamers, epsxers like mi), too, have a life.....hav friends.....been in relationships....been out of relationships....etc. Wat should i do? I did try to break up wif her, but she would juz plead that i would giv her another chance. But i gave her chance after chance.....but nothing improves. Wat should i do?

[Raziel]

I can see two possibility for you:
1-Dump her and don't give her another chance.
2-Try to talk to her and explain that you WANT her to change cause you can't take it anymore,if she doesn't change ,DUMP HER!

I think the best choice you could make is 1 ,since you already tried to break up,but she didn't change.

Dump her man,that's the best thing you can do for yourself(and maybe for her cause she'll realize that something's wrong with her)

I hope what I said will help you.

[Bobbi]

Troubleshoot a relationship ... hehe, consult the manual

No honestly, I've a good friend who had exactly the same problem, he couldn't do one step without having to write an article about it for his gf ... I wasn't sure if it'd be the right thing around that time, but one day when he couldn't take it any more, I told him to tell her the truth and when she can't take it to leave her.

Well, interrestingly enough now, about 18 months later, both are still a pair and their problems solved ... took us all 5 (all 5 people who have been really involved, aka him, his gf, me, my gf and his other best friend) much time and patience, but hey, it was worth it.

To get it to a point - I would really tell her the problems ... and when she won't change even though you told her the problems and solutions, well, then you two aren't meant or each other

[Rargh]

Well, i was quite surprised to see this topic first....
But the end of the post made me think about it...

To tell the truth, i had a girlfriend w/ this kind of caracter...
(I m just relating what i ve one to solve my problem)
It made me very angry to have troubles (similar ones as u mentionned) w/ her; even after my friends, guess I m not the same even yet...Perhaps too nervous.
That s what i find quite stupid. Okay, everyone changes in his own life (Maturity, experience and all....), but it shouldn t be in the wrong way.
I mean by this, that if u re very often having quarrels, it ll make u change in the wrong way (well, that s my case )
THAT is one problem. But u should think about it on ur own (i m not u, i have not the same opinions, will ...etc like u)
The other problem is that (people will laugh in front of their computer funny.heh) what u re are thinking about her (I mean, are u w/ her cuz' of her physical appearance? Or because of the feelings?).
Guess if it is only for the first choice, if u cannot bear her anymore, then U should leave...(IMO)
But if it is the second one...Well u re in a cross fire (if i can say so).
Try to think of which things are great and bad w/ her....
if they re more bad things....
U should know what to do...


Well, and finally it s just and only MY OWN opinion...But what a 16 years old guy like me can say?
And i wanted to say that it s cool to find some posts like this around here, it changes from the rumours and problems w/ emulators and so...

Hope that all of u morons have laughed enough to suffocate

well bye and make up ur mind...
Sawasdee

[Raziel]

Why would they laugh? We're talking seriously here.
He has a serious problem,as he said it,he's getting kind of depressive,he's often angry,and the most important thing is that he's losing friends .
This is a serious topic,we're not here to laugh.

[Rargh]

hum, it seems u do not understand:

I ve put things like these for the morons who don t care and stupidly laugh about it...
That s all....
And since i ve experienced the same problem , I wish he could solve his problems in the right way ....

All the meaning s here...
I think u ve just misunderstood...

Bye

[Wind]

Originally posted by Raziel
I can see two possibility for you:
1-Dump her and don't give her another chance.
2-Try to talk to her and explain that you WANT her to change cause you can't take it anymore,if she doesn't change ,DUMP HER!

I think the best choice you could make is 1 ,since you already tried to break up,but she didn't change.

Dump her man,that's the best thing you can do for yourself(and maybe for her cause she'll realize that something's wrong with her)

I hope what I said will help you.

My sentiments exactly! And if the 2 options u suggested were buttons, i would have had pressed button 2 many many times. But she juz doesnt seem to take them seriously. E.g juz recently, after a quarrel, she assure mi that she will try to make mi happy frm tt day onwards. But after juz a few days later, she can actualli call mi to complain that i no longer call her "dear" as often as i used to be. She is always comparing to the very early days of our relationship when we were still fine. She can't even realize the fact that when a couple are having bad terms continuously 4 a long period of time, they wont be as affectionate as b4......

[Wind]

Originally posted by Bobbi
Troubleshoot a relationship ... hehe, consult the manual

No honestly, I've a good friend who had exactly the same problem, he couldn't do one step without having to write an article about it for his gf ... I wasn't sure if it'd be the right thing around that time, but one day when he couldn't take it any more, I told him to tell her the truth and when she can't take it to leave her.

Well, interrestingly enough now, about 18 months later, both are still a pair and their problems solved ... took us all 5 (all 5 people who have been really involved, aka him, his gf, me, my gf and his other best friend) much time and patience, but hey, it was worth it.

To get it to a point - I would really tell her the problems ... and when she won't change even though you told her the problems and solutions, well, then you two aren't meant or each other

Hey, i din realise there r actualli ppl who r in the same shoes as mi! Kinda glad that i actualli pour my sorrows out.....feels much better oredy. And to think one should actualli pour ur sorrows to ur "the other half". But i juz cant do that (cos it's my the other half that's givin mi the probes!) U need 5 ppl to solve the probes huh. sigh. I did tell her the probes, and many times too....but still.....

[Wind]

Originally posted by Rargh
Well, i was quite surprised to see this topic first....
But the end of the post made me think about it...

To tell the truth, i had a girlfriend w/ this kind of caracter...
(I m just relating what i ve one to solve my problem)
It made me very angry to have troubles (similar ones as u mentionned) w/ her; even after my friends, guess I m not the same even yet...Perhaps too nervous.
That s what i find quite stupid. Okay, everyone changes in his own life (Maturity, experience and all....), but it shouldn t be in the wrong way.
I mean by this, that if u re very often having quarrels, it ll make u change in the wrong way (well, that s my case )
THAT is one problem. But u should think about it on ur own (i m not u, i have not the same opinions, will ...etc like u)
The other problem is that (people will laugh in front of their computer funny.heh) what u re are thinking about her (I mean, are u w/ her cuz' of her physical appearance? Or because of the feelings?).
Guess if it is only for the first choice, if u cannot bear her anymore, then U should leave...(IMO)
But if it is the second one...Well u re in a cross fire (if i can say so).
Try to think of which things are great and bad w/ her....
if they re more bad things....
U should know what to do...


Well, and finally it s just and only MY OWN opinion...But what a 16 years old guy like me can say?
And i wanted to say that it s cool to find some posts like this around here, it changes from the rumours and problems w/ emulators and so...

Hope that all of u morons have laughed enough to suffocate

well bye and make up ur mind...
Sawasdee

And again, my sentiments exactly!!! I ,too,felt that I've gotten worse than b4. I get angry often...i get headaches.....bad moods. It's like i've changed...in the wrong way! She seems to bring out the worse in me. That shouldnt hapen to u when u get attached. I mean, the other half should "add" to ur life. Not "take away" from it. U know....i use to have a number of REALLI platonic ger pals. And i hav seen to lost much contact with them becos of her. I mean...can a guy not hav platonic ger frens?? Cant a guy go out platonic frens be it guys or gers??? Some i've known like for 3 yrs. So it's realli sad, especially when u loses old friends

[Wind]

Originally posted by Raziel
Why would they laugh? We're talking seriously here.
He has a serious problem,as he said it,he's getting kind of depressive,he's often angry,and the most important thing is that he's losing friends .
This is a serious topic,we're not here to laugh.

Thanks Raziel !! ya, we wouldnt laugh. But tink u misunderstood Rargh. He's tryin to help too. hehe

[Wind]

And to add......

I'm realli kinda glad to realize that there are actually ppl who had once been in my shoes. And my thanks to those who had help or would be posting their suggestions. It juz shows that epsxers r not always toking abt PSX. Playing games r juz part of our lives. And fortunately (or unfortunately) a gf is not like the epsxe......
If u find that she's not behaving "smoothly", u can simply change her "gpu" (hmm wonder pete's have a "gpu" for a gf ) or that u find her too naggy, u can juz change her plugin to a better "spu".
Fiddle with the "plugins" and u would get a better gf...hah....now, wouldnt that be nice? then again....maybe not

[Rargh]

Well, it seems (no offense) that ur girlfriend seems to be overpossessive.I think that her inferiority complex has been transformed into a superiority one...That s why she does not want u to be w/ other girls...(no offense again, my apologies if i m upsetting u, i know i would turn a bit angry if someone have told that to me.)
She thinks she s far better than all ur platonic (heh? another word learned today, that s make two. )girl friends.
U said that her charism too makes ur frens go away from ya?
Well if I have one advice:
Just give her a LAST chance. Say it to her.
Explain that it s the last time u can handle her whims...

Well i know i ve been too harsh
Forgive me if I really upset u...

BTW, it seems my psychiatrist side has awakened ^^.
oh and one thing: are u living in australia? Cuz' ur intonations made me remember an australian friend..(Even if it s hard to HEAR from the text )

Bye

With just the intention of browsing the forums, your topic really interests me and here's my two cents' worth. I suppose most of the pple visiting this forum are guys and you will more probably be getting guys' points of views only. Thus perhaps it's better for you to just take these advices with a tad of salt even though they may seem to be what you like to hear. (no offence I hope)

I have seen a similar case in my friend's too, except that it's a she. Forgive me if what I say is not to your liking yeah? You mentioned that she has an inferior complex. Perhaps the best way would be to make her trust that you will not stray even if you have the opportunity to go out with your platonic female friends. Gain her trust.

It's not mentioned clearly so I'm not sure if she doesn't allow you to go out with your male friends too? If she doesn't allow that, then it's really too much. On the other hand, do you let her know if you went out with your male friends? Or does she has to find out herself by kept asking you and thus irritated you? For my friend's case, her bf always refuse to tell her his whereabouts even when there's nothing to hide! Therefore, her insecurities can actually be avoided if the guy is more sensitive to her needs.

Do you always criticise her and make her inferior complex worse? Or do you encourage her and show that you care for her and that you will be by her side? The only way to stop her from being so possessive is to let her know that it's "safe" for her to let go of her insecurities totally as you will never do anything to hurt her.

Nobody has an upperhand in a relationship. It's not about who wanting who more. I read in the above replies that one of them is 16 years old? And you share the same sentiments as him? Hmm, I have no idea how old you are but it seems that there's a long way to go before you realise how a relationship goes.

It seems like all the replies here seem to go towards the fact that you did nothing wrong as you seem to be sharing their sentiments exactly! I think my entry here will evoke lots of reactions from all of you but hey, do think about your gf's point of view too. I have seen my friend suffer just because her bf thinks that she's like a kid. Sometimes, maybe she did that just to gain more concern from you. As you say, you have not been as affectionate as before.

This is getting long. Sorry about that. Last word of advice. Give her another chance. In the meantime, it doesn't mean that you just sit back and see if she's changing. See if there's anything that you can do which is within your control that will comfort her. Show her that you do care for her but she has to give you more breathing space too. Just take it in your stride. It's a win-win situation. Good luck.

[Enigma1982]

Same case as my friends got................
My friend used to (almost) have grilfriend which child habit.................
All he did is ignore her becuase he can't take it anymore..............
He feel annoyed.............
I think you sholud ignore her when she show child habit.Don't look back.That will make her grow up.If you care her everytime.She will can't help herself.
Anyway choose your bestway.................................

[Wind]

Originally posted by Simon
With just the intention of browsing the forums, your topic really interests me and blah blah blah.....

u juz registered and ur 1st reply is in this thread? obviously u hav no idea wat forum this is. Pls dun make mi expose u...and in case u havent found out, i have changed my email password...PERMANENTLY....so u should know how i'm feeling right now for invading my privacy. And juz to reply ur question on wat r the alternatives for napster in another thread, they r WinMX, edonkey and bearshare (which i have PERSONALLY told u in the face b4, but guess as usual, u dun take my suggestions seriously juz as u dun take my warnings seriously). But everything's gonna change now....and u will EVENTUALLY know how serious i am.

[Wind]

Originally posted by Rargh
Well, it seems (no offense) that ur girlfriend seems to be overpossessive.I think that her inferiority complex has been transformed into a superiority one...That s why she does not want u to be w/ other girls...(no offense again, my apologies if i m upsetting u, i know i would turn a bit angry if someone have told that to me.)
She thinks she s far better than all ur platonic (heh? another word learned today, that s make two. )girl friends.
U said that her charism too makes ur frens go away from ya?
Well if I have one advice:
Just give her a LAST chance. Say it to her.
Explain that it s the last time u can handle her whims...

Well i know i ve been too harsh
Forgive me if I really upset u...

BTW, it seems my psychiatrist side has awakened ^^.
oh and one thing: are u living in australia? Cuz' ur intonations made me remember an australian friend..(Even if it s hard to HEAR from the text )

Bye

Oh no! u r not upsetting mi at all. In fact, u literally took the words out of my mouth and i couldnt agree with u more. And yep, she is gonna have her LAST chance. And all her crying and whining will not save her this time.

[Wind]

Originally posted by Enigma1982
Same case as my friends got................
My friend used to (almost) have grilfriend which child habit.................
All he did is ignore her becuase he can't take it anymore..............
He feel annoyed.............
I think you sholud ignore her when she show child habit.Don't look back.That will make her grow up.If you care her everytime.She will can't help herself.
Anyway choose your bestway.................................

That's wat i did!! But u know wat she did when i ignored her??? She will turn violent and grabbed my arms so tightly that it hurts. And this is made worse cos she has fingernails. And on worse cases, she will punch or hit mi continuosly and even slap mi in public. wat can i do??

[404]

Learn Karate/Judo - so the next time she hurt you, smash her back!
That is what Males should do to Vicious Females

[404]

or, do exactly like this one...

[Enigma1982]

Originally posted by Wind
That's wat i did!! But u know wat she did when i ignored her??? She will turn violent and grabbed my arms so tightly that it hurts. And this is made worse cos she has fingernails. And on worse cases, she will punch or hit mi continuosly and even slap mi in public. wat can i do??

Go and tell what she done you can't take it anymore.
If anything not better.................
That mean you and your girlfriend can't get along anymore
You can't comply your girlfriend habit..........
I suggest you should find other girls...........
Anyway I hope this will be last your way out