I have feelings for two women... what should I do?

[blueshogun96]

Ok, I'm having a little internal conflict here, and once again, it's woman related. My last attempts at a stable relationship have choked up and died but I haven't given up yet.

Anyway, there are two women that I have feelings for (I guess you can say I'm in love with them). They are both in their mature ages (30-40+ years old). Now, I've had my eyes on both of them for quite a while now and I've known them both for at least a year now. I'll describe both of them separately.

Woman #1: I haven't had the chance to interact as much with her as I'd want, but I do know she's a nice person (so far). I don't know her name yet (suprizingly). My memories of her date back to 2005. She works at an unemployment office in a neighbouring town. I went there everytime I needed a new job (which was kinda frequent). Back then, I do think I recall seeing a wedding ring on her ring finger, but now I see it's empty! Good news for me! When I come in the door, she's usually the first person I see. She has a lovely sense of fashion, manicure/pedicure, personality, and voice (I'm not going too far with the details :evil:) and it really turns me on. At first I was hesitant and/or just plain too nervous to talk to her, but now that some time has passed, I feel more comfortable and attracted to her. Lately she's been smiling at me a bit more than usual and sounds very upbeat and soft of energetic when helping me with things while I'm there. And yesterday when I was leaving the office, she noticed I was leaving and she waved to be with a big smile on her face. It really made my day and I feel even more confident than I did before. :wub:

Woman #2: This one I've had more time and opportunity to interact with socially. Her name is Laura (mmmm, I LOVE that name)! She's now a supervisor at the BlueChip Casino (http://www.bluechipcasino.com) here in Michigan City, IN, USA. I no longer work there, I got fired about a month and a half ago. For the most part, she's just as hot as the other woman I was talking about earlier. I had to do a little work to spark the interest in her. I don't remember exactly how we became friends but it's sorta like this. At first she never really noticed me very much, so I had to get her attention. I overheard her name in a conversation and I memorized it and one day said, "Hi Miss Laura..." and it didn't take long for her to memorize my name either. At first, we were just saying hello to each other in the employee dining room and waving to each other in the smoking area. Eventually we start engaging in conversations together, and the conversations get longer and longer. Sometimes I'd walk her down to the lunchroom and she'd be smiling the whole way there. I remember the time when I had got an erection while we were talking in the lunchroom and I wasn't thinking of any sexual thoughts or fantasies nor was I checking her out, it was so embarrassing but I don't think she noticed my penis was hard :emb: Another employee told me that she was not married and there's a good chance for me to be her boyfriend or her husband, but then comes the day I get fired... and I'm turning in my uniform and she notices me and she waves and yells Hi to me. That was the last time I saw her. Last night, I went to the casino to say hi to all the employees I've worked with and other friends. Some of them told me that Laura works there still and told me what time she's usually around. I'm making plans to see her again, because I miss her presence, smile, laugh, and I didn't get her number yet! :mad:

Ok, there's both of the stories behind each woman in a nutshell. Now, the question isn't exactly "Which one do you think I should go for?" or "Which one should I violate first?" even though I am having trouble deciding, but the question is more like "What should I do in this type of situation?". My feelings for them are both strong. One I've known longer, the other I know better. Should I ask them both out? Or should I just flip a coin? I feel like I'm being pulled in two different directions. This sucks. Any suggestions? Thanks.

[Linktothepast]

Although i thing this is more for the bin, and i don't have the best experience with such matters, I would tell you to try approaching both since nothing is certain at the moment (you could be rejected by both), and decide later upon the outcome. If they both respond, I would pick one so i wouldn't lose both, since women at this age are not very fond of double dating matters. Or you could keep both, enjoy it while it lasts and risk being alone again.

[Godwin]

Solution: Threesome

[StriderVM]

Every manly man will say "both" ....... :D

However, it seems you're the shy type. So my suggestion is, be "almost" Basically ask both of them if they are single. My hunch with the first one is she had a misunderstanding of her BF so it could be the reason the ring isn't in her finger anymore. Just make sure you verify that she is single.

[jonc2006]

personally i would have them fight to the death over a pit of lava like obi wan and darth vader did in episode 3 and then go with the winner but in this case i will suggest to go after the one you feel most comfortable being around, otherwise the relationship could end up being awkward.

[@ruantec]

blueshogun96 i know this situation as i was in the same one many times in my life... but believe me at the end its always the same... a sad bad story.

in most of the cases one of them have better personalitly or simple fits your needs... and the other one is basically for pleasure....

i recommend you to choose just one because you could run into a very bad situation if you keep both.. your mind lets you think you love both but in fact there´s only one of them you love.. the other just have some stuff you like.

anyways to avoid troubles in the future i recommend you to look both and choose one of them because at the end you will have stress more than pleasure.

[runawayprisoner]

Wow... same situation I just got out a year ago. :) Okay... ahem... first of all, I'd have to tell you to play it cool. While you are deciding, if you go mushy wushy (like being a bit too nice) over any of them, and one another notices it, you're literally done for. Then... eh, since you don't know if any of them had any boyfriend or lover or not, just... try to drive a conversation that way, and see if they do or not. Just make it feel like a casual, random question that popped up in a conversation, and you will be fine. Once you have determined their marital status, you should know whether or not you DO have a choice. If you DO have a choice, then consider the following:
- Which one of them do you feel happier, or more turned on, when you are with her?
- Which one of them treats you the way you want more? (I think I know who that is already... but I'll let you decide. :lol:)
- Which one of them attracts you (physically) more?
- Which one of them are you closest to?
- Which one of them is available whenever you want to see her?
- Which one of them are you willing to risk your single life for? (no kidding! :p)
- Last but not least, which one of them do you miss more when you don't see her?

When you have got your answers for those questions, I think you are ready to make a choice, and your mind is already made up. :) Sincerely, it's all your choice in the end, and I don't think it is my place to tell you which one to get, so I'm just telling you the steps I took when I was in the same situation just a year ago. It's just bit different than yours in that... they both fought for me so fiercely that I had to act cool or they would tear each other apart. o.o I still felt a lot for both, though, and I chose one in the end. True, your heart and mind may tell you that you can go for a threesome, but I still decided to be with only one. Seriously, NEVER once did I regret the choice ever since. :]

[afiif]

go and live in Africa and marry both...

[Cid Highwind]

go and live in Africa and marry both...

Or become a Mormon :p

Anyway, I just wanted to say that if the worst one was married before, there might be a lot more baggage than with the second one.

[Hard core Rikki]

- Which one of them treats you the way you want more? (I think I know who that is already... but I'll let you decide. :lol:)
- Which one of them are you willing to risk your single life for? (no kidding! :p)
- Last but not least, which one of them do you miss more when you don't see her?:]

More importantly, who's the one he'd picture himself ending his life with (not only just fun, disco and pre/post-marital hankypanky ;). raising a family and growing old toghether looks appropriate to bring out too). One needs commitment too, from both parties too. Give as much as you'd like to receive. Wouldn't *this* be great ?

[TheCloudOfSmoke]

Scrap them both and have a onesome. Your hand is all that you need my friend. ;) Mine has gotten me through some really tough times and it's always there for me when women used to come and go in my life.

[runawayprisoner]

More importantly, who's the one he'd picture himself ending his life with (not only just fun, disco and pre/post-marital hankypanky ;). raising a family and growing old toghether looks appropriate to bring out too). One needs commitment too, from both parties too. Give as much as you'd like to receive. Wouldn't *this* be great ?

"Who would you risk your single life for?" <= Yeah. I just worded it in a different way. :lol: Sincerely, when you have fun like disco and stuffies... you're still a single. :p Your status is officially not-single when you are married.

P.S.: Oh yeah, and consider this also: Are you ready to let go of beer, smoke, etc???? :lol:

[Hard core Rikki]

Are you ready to let go of beer, smoke, sluts, premarital hankypanky, dreugs, groping, etc???? :lol:
:p


Quite easily too :p Never started anything like that. My name is not TCOS :rotflmao:

[TheCloudOfSmoke]

I am going to give you the benifit of the doubt and assume that that is a complement HCR. :p

[runawayprisoner]

Quite easily too :p Never started anything like that. My name is not TCOS :rotflmao:

You're missing out on life... IMO. :rotflmao:
Then again, me too. :rotflmao:

[blueshogun96]

Thank you all for your suggestions (serious or not...). I think the choice is a becoming a bit easier to make right now. @ruantic-man makes a good point though, I've been thinking about it all day. Now before I say which one I'm going for first, which one do you all like best or seems like the right one?

Scrap them both and have a onesome. Your hand is all that you need my friend. ;) Mine has gotten me through some really tough times and it's always there for me when women used to come and go in my life.

My hand is no longer capable of keeping up with my sex drive :lol:

Anyone remember when I said "Sex and intimacy is not important to me"?

[theartofbone]

Why have you gotten fired from more than one job?

The more time you spend debating on which one to choose, there are other guys trying to get them as well. Hang with both of them, don't spend too much money and try not to get attatched so you can play the role of flirt and not get yelled at.

Also, have more confidence in yourself. There are countless sources of inspiration, search and you will find.

[blueshogun96]

Why have you gotten fired from more than one job?

Actually, it's not that I was getting fired, I had more lay offs than anything.

[MT]

one woman fo me, one for you. problem gone :D

seriously, can't you try flirting both at same time to see which one answers you sooner?

[Yeloazndevil]

You could date both of them and have it blow up in your face! be sure to have sex with both (perferrably at the same time) to have no regrets ;)

[Solid_Snake]

I am so lucky I have no problems at women :lol:

[Linktothepast]

And i have feelings for half of the women about my age from the entire world. Erection feelings (these are feelings too you know). But i would never have admitted it in public, in a forum like ngemu, that i wouldn't.

[emwearz]

(I guess you can say I'm in love with them).
I don't know her name yet (suprizingly).
That my be the single most pathetic statement in the history of mankind.

[Exophase]

You barely know either of these people (you don't even know the first person's name..), obviously you can't really be in love with either of them, they're just crushes. Why don't you try to approach them as friends and get to know them if you think that they're people you'd like to get to know? There isn't anything wrong with wanting to be friends with someone. Of course if your intention is just to get laid then you'll probably be out of luck with this approach..

People usually decide to get romantically involved way too hastily and impulsively. The most important component of a relationship is trust and you can't trust someone without knowing them well. You could quickly find out that neither of these people are who you thought they were.

By the way, how old are you? If you're too young neither of them might be interested as well.. and if they're late 30s or early 40s and you're serious about pursuing a lifelong relationship then you might have to forget about having kids (not sure if that interests you)

[Hyuga]

That my be the single most pathetic statement in the history of mankind.

My thoughts exactly...

[ChankastRules]

That my be the single most pathetic statement in the history of mankind.

Triple L O L.... that was just too funny. Ok blue.... you've goto to get to know these women better, just ask them out on a date... and find out if they are interessed at all! Some people just smile at you too be nice you know... it doesn't have to mean they are interessed... anyway go on some dates AND for gods sake FIND OUT THIS WOMAN's name. If they say no to your date.... your out of luck I guess.

[blueshogun96]

That my be the single most pathetic statement in the history of mankind.

Pathetic people make pathetic statements make pathetic statements and have pathetic hopes as well as pathetic dreams. Don't forget that you're talking to me, ngemu's most pathetic person.

By the way, how old are you?
Old...

Love, crush, what's the difference? It's all the same, isn't it? The more I read this thread, the less I care about this whole thing. Better yet, just f@#% it, f@#% the situation, and f@#% it altogether. Having a gf only slows me down anyway. I don't know why the hell I give/gave a damn anyway... :???:

[FLaRe85]

On second thought, maybe you're not mature enough to handle a relationship...

[blueshogun96]

On second thought, maybe you're not mature enough to handle a relationship...

yeah, that too...

[Linktothepast]

On third thought, you are afraid of rejection, made a post in ngemu to have some courage to make a move, and suddenly realized that you don't have the courage. Dude, you have nothing to lose in these situations, only to gain. Even if they dump you you gain experience approaching women for god sake. Don't make pathetic*2 statements.

[Hyuga]

Yeah blue, be a man ;) We're not bashing you here or anything, it's just not right thing you're doing and you can't be in love with somebody you barely know. I'd say you're having a crush with both women, which is not a bad thing and love always starts with a crush first, then you get to know each other better and better, spend time together and all that stuff. You'll realise it yourself when you're truly in love. You can ask out both of them, not at the same time of course, get to know them and see which one you like better, which one you're having better time with, etc., etc. I don't know what you're trying to show acting like a wuss in this (http://forums.ngemu.com/open-discussion/94723-i-have-feelings-two-women-what-should-i-do-2.html#post1206242) post, but that is not the way. If you like being single, then fine, but being single doesn't mean to be alone and believe me, loneliness is *****.

It's up to you what you decide to do and what you do with your life, whatever you decide I hope you'll be happy.

[ChankastRules]

Love, crush, what's the difference? It's all the same, isn't it? The more I read this thread, the less I care about this whole thing. Better yet, just f@#% it, f@#% the situation, and f@#% it altogether. Having a gf only slows me down anyway. I don't know why the hell I give/gave a damn anyway..

G E T _ Y O U R S E L F togheter man... just go on a date already it is obvious you are lounging for some loving just like every other boy ( yeah even monks do it in secret by themselves ) So go for it,,, ask the girl out start with the casino one nothing to lose!

[emwearz]

I don't know what you're trying to show acting like a wuss
I agree, being all inward doesn't help anything, easiest thing is to just go, hey im <insert name> I have noticed you around and was wondering if you would let me buy you a cup of a coffee (or whatever) sometime. If she says no, who cares, move onto the next girl, you don't know her name / not that close so what does it really matter. If you still cant muster up the balls to do that, get one of your friends to help you out, having a wingman can help.

Being rejected is a part of life, I got rejected by like 3 girls before I hooked up for the first time, Always take a swing, sure you might miss but you could hit it out of the park.

[blueshogun96]

... s@#%, who am I kidding, of course I care...

Being rejected is a part of life, I got rejected by like 3 girls before I hooked up for the first time
Yeah, I know that. You got success after 4 tries? I say you've got it rather good. Try being rejected for 16 years strait, that's a long ass time. Honestly, if she says no, or even hell f@#%ing no, I don't care. I've had some go to the extreme, above and beyond with their rejections and after a while I got tired of hearing that over and over again and just gave up, and it's things like that cause the s@#% I'm in now. I know I need to toughen up really, but it's not easy when you've been through what I've been through. But still, you're right, there's no excuse for being a wuss. The girl is supposed to have the vagina, not me.

[Linktothepast]

16 years is a long time. But still you don't say how many times you tried. It can be 16 years with 8 tries for you, and 1 year with 8 tries for someone else. And judging by your first post, i tend to believe that apart from the time, you are not a guy that would approach women systematically. Also try to be realistic about it and don't go for the most beautiful babe in the neighborhood, since apparently you are no casanova, and you can't stand much rejection.

[MT]

The girl is supposed to have the vagina, not me.
lmao blue :lol:

maybe you're lacking of attitude? using some of charm, getting closer then snacking, literally? most of time the girls wont attack first, WE need to do the job.

[jonc2006]

... s@#%, who am I kidding, of course I care...


Yeah, I know that. You got success after 4 tries? I say you've got it rather good. Try being rejected for 16 years strait, that's a long ass time. Honestly, if she says no, or even hell f@#%ing no, I don't care. I've had some go to the extreme, above and beyond with their rejections and after a while I got tired of hearing that over and over again and just gave up, and it's things like that cause the s@#% I'm in now. I know I need to toughen up really, but it's not easy when you've been through what I've been through. But still, you're right, there's no excuse for being a wuss. The girl is supposed to have the vagina, not me.

you need to listen to some barry white man, you will be a walking sex machine in 15 minutes.

[Cid Highwind]

lmao blue :lol:

maybe you're lacking of attitude? using some of charm, getting closer then snacking, literally? most of time the girls wont attack first, WE need to do the job.
Meh, some have grown accustomed to their way of life of simply not having to worry about anything else. Not having someone nagging and being able to get drunk with friends whenever you feel like is some sort of a benefit of course ;)

[jonc2006]

of course its a benefit man. but he needs to learn how to be smooth like micheal jackson doing the moonwalk too if in time he does want to have someone nagging or whatever at him. like others have said, hes got nothing to lose really. most people learn from each relationship and get better at being in one but i think the problem he is having is not knowing how to get the ball rolling, which is understandable in some cases. taking that first step is always difficult when you have little experience in something, not just limited to relationships either, but usually once you get past that first step, you realize it wasnt really as hard as you thought it would be.

[runawayprisoner]

But still, you're right, there's no excuse for being a wuss. The girl is supposed to have the vagina, not me.

Believe me or not... girls like guys who care... and those who are soft to them. :p That doesn't mean you have to be all wussy... but being a bit soft to your girl really does help in MOST cases I've seen. As for your problem, I still stick to my advice: be positive, don't care what the results are, just throw yourself into the lair and see if it's your head that goes down or the boss' head that goes down. Dude... you get a blast out of it either way. Enjoy life! You know you want it. :p

Meh, some have grown accustomed to their way of life of simply not having to worry about anything else. Not having someone nagging and being able to get drunk with friends whenever you feel like is some sort of a benefit of course

I guess I'm a lucky one then. My girlfriend lets me do anything as long as I'm faithful to her and as long as we're together. :lol: Not like I want to handle more than one girl at a time... I'm not that "manly"... :p

[Linktothepast]

you need to listen to some barry white man, you will be a walking sex machine in 15 minutes.

I heard once of a lesbian from England that was a big fan of Barry. She heard him and sing him all the time at the hotel she was working. So basically, if a lesbian can hit a jackpot with some Barry, imagine you Shogun. Imagine you.

[Kazuya]

Ok, here we go and it's just because we love you, blue.
Ladies and Gentlemen, Ngemu proudly brings to you the Official Kazuya's 8 steps to success when dealing with women(tm) :p

1.- First, you should never dream about being with a girl (like you are doing right now) if you are not a friend of hers.

2.- Become the friend before asking them out. To do so you need to talk to her and chat a little a few times. Get her to know you, this is important. Unless she is a slut she won't go out with a perfect stranger or somebody she just says hi while waving her hand.

3.- She needs to trust you as a friend before going out with you. Unless she is a slut she wil make sure you won't try anything bad on her in your date.

4.- To earn that trust you need to talk to her and be sincere when talking about you. You will never tell her about your true intentions and feelings until I say so, ok?
You will always look like a guy who wants to be a friend. Don't talk about sex or make sex related jokes until the second time you talk to each other. The first impression must be of someone she can talk with. She must leave the first conversation thinking she can talk to you, not thinking you are the average man who thinks about sex.

5.- Be funny and if it fails just be yourself. Hear her talk about her and you must appear really interested in what you are hearing and what happened to her. If you can, share a similar experience that you had in order to make a connection and form a bond. You must appear as if you care and you have lived similar things. The must important thing here is she must leave the little chat thinking: he listens, he is not talking about sex or thinks about me that way.

6.- You must make sure she is having fun talking to you and shares something she wouldn't share with the average stranger. Now that she has trusted in you you can invite her out. Remember when I said you had to wait until I said so? The time is now and every second slipping from your hands is a lost opportunity so run, Forest, run :p

7.- Well, not so fast :p Don't ask her out immediately. Find her, talk to her, ask about something, chat a little and finally after a good amount of minutes, ask her something like, what do you do on Sundays? (She must feel the invitation came casually, not like that was your intention when you first saw her that day)
The best question should be the next one as you should have earned her trust and then know about her habits: are you going this sunday to the same place like you usually do? She will think: oh, he remembers, he listens, he pays atention to other things than sex. When she answers your question just tell her: what about a coffee afterwards? (or something you know she likes) or "I could sacrifice myself in order to stop you from being bored" and then smile (to do the last one she must know you as a funny man or else she will think you are full of yourself).

8.- Don't go to fancy places, just a place where you can continue to talk to her. This way you do with her the same thing you are now good at: chat and share experiences but this time is a different place. She must feel she can share with you, this is important. This is a subtle way of making her feel comfortable being around you while going out.

This is a different approach but it works. In this one you are making her make the first move. She will feel comfortable around you and if she is attracted to you you will notice. She will flirt with you after knowing she can flirt and you won't think of her as easy or will think of sex at the first opportunity. She must be comfortable with you, remember, and she must trust you before she tries to do it.

With this method at worst she will be a very very good friend and you will have more experience and training.

[blueshogun96]

lmao blue :lol:

maybe you're lacking of attitude? using some of charm, getting closer then snacking, literally? most of time the girls wont attack first, WE need to do the job.

Speaking of attacking, I did my homework and actually researched why I'm getting no luck. Now it all makes sense. I'm being to damn nice, shy and nerdy. It's better to be a funny, self confident prick then to be overly kind and generous. That doesn't create attraction and nice guys are too boring. I was at a bar & grill last night and I tried being a funny jerk, and it works alot better than my usual approach. I even got a guaranteed blowjob too (not that it's important to me :p) It's alot easier to get a chick when you know how they think/operate/act/react to certain things. Now that I look back over the years, there were times I was creating attraction and not knowing it. So I'm sure if I be a bit more dynamic rather than static, I'm sure I can win Laura's heart without any problems.

[Hyuga]

So I'm sure if I be a bit more dynamic rather than static, I'm sure I can win Laura's heart without any problems.

Oh yeah, go for it, man :)

[Kazuya]

OK, that works too. Being funny instead of static what was i was tying to say. You said it too, just shorter :p

[Linktothepast]

Well, just don't be too damn obvious about your intentions, looking nervous about it. Be cool and don't go with a way "seeming" like : Hello my name is... , i like you and the sooner we f@ck the better.

[FLaRe85]

Ok, here we go and it's just because we love you, blue.
Ladies and Gentlemen, Ngemu proudly brings to you the Official Kazuya's 8 steps to success when dealing with women(tm) :p

1.- First, you should never dream about being with a girl (like you are doing right now) if you are not a friend of hers.

2.- Become the friend before asking them out. To do so you need to talk to her and chat a little a few times. Get her to know you, this is important. Unless she is a slut she won't go out with a perfect stranger or somebody she just says hi while waving her hand.

3.- She needs to trust you as a friend before going out with you. Unless she is a slut she wil make sure you won't try anything bad on her in your date.

4.- To earn that trust you need to talk to her and be sincere when talking about you. You will never tell her about your true intentions and feelings until I say so, ok?
You will always look like a guy who wants to be a friend. Don't talk about sex or make sex related jokes until the second time you talk to each other. The first impression must be of someone she can talk with. She must leave the first conversation thinking she can talk to you, not thinking you are the average man who thinks about sex.

5.- Be funny and if it fails just be yourself. Hear her talk about her and you must appear really interested in what you are hearing and what happened to her. If you can, share a similar experience that you had in order to make a connection and form a bond. You must appear as if you care and you have lived similar things. The must important thing here is she must leave the little chat thinking: he listens, he is not talking about sex or thinks about me that way.

6.- You must make sure she is having fun talking to you and shares something she wouldn't share with the average stranger. Now that she has trusted in you you can invite her out. Remember when I said you had to wait until I said so? The time is now and every second slipping from your hands is a lost opportunity so run, Forest, run :p

7.- Well, not so fast :p Don't ask her out immediately. Find her, talk to her, ask about something, chat a little and finally after a good amount of minutes, ask her something like, what do you do on Sundays? (She must feel the invitation came casually, not like that was your intention when you first saw her that day)
The best question should be the next one as you should have earned her trust and then know about her habits: are you going this sunday to the same place like you usually do? She will think: oh, he remembers, he listens, he pays atention to other things than sex. When she answers your question just tell her: what about a coffee afterwards? (or something you know she likes) or "I could sacrifice myself in order to stop you from being bored" and then smile (to do the last one she must know you as a funny man or else she will think you are full of yourself).

8.- Don't go to fancy places, just a place where you can continue to talk to her. This way you do with her the same thing you are now good at: chat and share experiences but this time is a different place. She must feel she can share with you, this is important. This is a subtle way of making her feel comfortable being around you while going out.

This is a different approach but it works. In this one you are making her make the first move. She will feel comfortable around you and if she is attracted to you you will notice. She will flirt with you after knowing she can flirt and you won't think of her as easy or will think of sex at the first opportunity. She must be comfortable with you, remember, and she must trust you before she tries to do it.

With this method at worst she will be a very very good friend and you will have more experience and training.

While there's some decent advice here, there is no 8 step program or anything of the sort to getting together with a woman. They come in all shapes, sizes, colors, and personalities. Naturally, they'll all respond differently to your advances and each will have to be handled in their own special way. If you're unable to recognize the nuances of what makes a woman tick, then you won't get far.

Personally I wouldn't go for the "get to be her friend first" approach. You are romantically interested in this woman. Why waste time pretending it's something less? There's nothing wrong with walking up to a complete and total stranger, indicating you're attracted to them and would like to get to know them better. I've taken this approach with women up to seven years older than me before and it works. Just be confident. They like that and it makes the situation a whole lot less awkward. If they turn you down, oh well...you tried and there wasn't a whole month's or so worth of effort working up to try and be her friend first.

Women are finicky. A lot them will allow themselves to become friends with men that are unlike the kind they will date. So, taking that path could potentially give some false hope. Several will play the "I value our friendship too much to risk it in a relationship" card when it comes time to move forward.

No piece of advice, no matter how sound it seems, is going to work 100% of the time. The important thing is to be yourself and be confident. Also, make sure you carry a condom with you. You don't want to be unprepared when you've got her all hot and bothered and you're pulled over in a dark parking lot in the middle of the night with nothing to do. Oh...and be sure to wait a while before buying the two seater sports car without a back seat. At least wait until you're living together.

[MT]

its not to be a funny jerk dude, its being yourself... you're funny here, you can funny with people :)

[runawayprisoner]

Speaking of attacking, I did my homework and actually researched why I'm getting no luck. Now it all makes sense. I'm being to damn nice, shy and nerdy. It's better to be a funny, self confident prick then to be overly kind and generous. That doesn't create attraction and nice guys are too boring. I was at a bar & grill last night and I tried being a funny jerk, and it works alot better than my usual approach. I even got a guaranteed blowjob too (not that it's important to me :p) It's alot easier to get a chick when you know how they think/operate/act/react to certain things. Now that I look back over the years, there were times I was creating attraction and not knowing it. So I'm sure if I be a bit more dynamic rather than static, I'm sure I can win Laura's heart without any problems.

That's the spirit! Thumb up! :thumb:
And nerdy and nice is not as bad as you may think it is. As long as you don't act all wimpy in front a girl while you're in that mode, you still have a chance. And dude, I think you're not even half the nerdy and shy guy that I am. :p You seem way more manly and funny. If I can do it, YOU can definitely do it with ease. Go for it! :thumb:

It's not to be a funny jerk, dude. It's being yourself... You're funny here, you can be funny with people.

QFT. :thumb:

[blueshogun96]

I never thought I was funny to you all. But I am? Awesome.

I'm going to try and pay #1 a visit tonight. I hope she doesn't see me too much as just a friend now, because that's a bad thing when you're looking for marriage and not just a friendship.

[Hard core Rikki]

Good luck, and be the man ;)

[ChankastRules]

Good luck Blue!

[emwearz]

when you're looking for marriage and not just a friendship.
Wouldn't you look for a first date? Marriage is a scarey thing, keep it at a distance of 500000 feet at all times. Good luck with it though.

[jonc2006]

yeah man you dont even want to go near the M word.

[parman_donk]

When you're looking for marriage and not just a friendship.

I'm sorry to hear that:cry:

:rotflmao::rotflmao::rotflmao:

[refraction]

well i wouldnt mention to her you wanna get married, thats a sure fire way to scare someone off when youve just started seeing them.

[MT]

well i wouldnt mention to her you wanna get married, thats a sure fire way to scare someone off when youve just started seeing them.
lol yeah, even telling your feelings to her would be a blow enough to scare her... so go slowly

[ChankastRules]

EEEEK, I thought only women asked for marriage ???

[blueshogun96]

... why are you all so afraid of commitment? Why is marriage constantly portrayed as a bad thing nowadays? Maybe you'll have something to lose when it comes to that, but I don't. What's the point of dating if you don't intend to marry her? I don't want that immediately, just eventually.

well i wouldnt mention to her you wanna get married, thats a sure fire way to scare someone off when youve just started seeing them
I'm not going to ask her that right away. I'm not that idiotic :p

Anyway, this is how it went last night. I didn't have the opportunity to say much. Instead of supervising, she was helping customers at the cashier. I went up to her and she was supprized to see me. We talked a bit and I tried to make her laugh, but I ran out of lines :mad: but hey, at least she walked me to the table. I wanted to share the meal with her, but she said she was too busy working with the customers (damn customers, ruining my style!), so there I sat alone... again. I wish I would have had better sense as to hit on her more when I was still working there. Once again I f@#%ed s@#% up long term.

[jonc2006]

just keep at it dude, you learn from each one.

[Gladiator@]

Tell her you are gay. Girls love gays. ;)

[Exophase]

... why are you all so afraid of commitment? Why is marriage constantly portrayed as a bad thing nowadays? Maybe you'll have something to lose when it comes to that, but I don't. What's the point of dating if you don't intend to marry her? I don't want that immediately, just eventually.

Well I'm glad someone feels that way anyway (someone besides me D:)
But yeah, I know it feels like you don't have anything to lose marrying someone, that being with someone will always be better than being alone, but that's really not how things often work out. The great thing about relationships is that if both people give they end up getting back more than they gave. The bad thing about relationships is that you still have to give something, and if one person doesn't end up giving enough to it (or anything at all) the other person will feel burdened, stressed, trapped, and generally miserable, and the other person will end up actually getting less than he/she gives in return. Does that make sense? This is what I see happen often. You're not going to want to be with someone who ends up expecting/demanding a lot from you and not being able to give in return. I used to feel like I'd absolutely devote myself forever to anyone who showed any interest in me, that no matter what I would make things work. It really can't work if the other person doesn't feel the same way and even if you stand by it you physically won't be able to be close to that person forever and eventually it'll fall apart whether you want to let it or not.

I definitely stand by the advice of "be friends first", although it's really uncommon for people to do that. Think about the closest friends you have, do you ever feel that these haven't been equal relationships? You probably really understand your friends, even if you don't think about it. Relationships often fail because in the end people don't understand each other at all, and even if they're willing to provide for each other they can't. Going just on attraction alone is a really bad idea because unless you're someone who just wants a beautiful person around all the time and will pay any price for that then it just isn't going to carry a meaningful two way relationship.

There's some criticism, but I'm not sure it applies to someone like yourself who is looking for a serious permanent relationship. If a woman tells you she's afraid of ruining your friendship then that means she values it more than she would a relationship with you. You're looking for a relationship that's even more important than a friendship, one that supercedes it. If someone sees a conflict between friendships and relationships then they're probably not looking for a serious relationship or don't have any confidence in them working out (and thus probably won't try very hard). I'm not sure this is what you're looking for.

Anyway, this is how it went last night. I didn't have the opportunity to say much. Instead of supervising, she was helping customers at the cashier. I went up to her and she was supprized to see me. We talked a bit and I tried to make her laugh, but I ran out of lines :mad: but hey, at least she walked me to the table. I wanted to share the meal with her, but she said she was too busy working with the customers (damn customers, ruining my style!), so there I sat alone... again. I wish I would have had better sense as to hit on her more when I was still working there. Once again I f@#%ed s@#% up long term.

I think you should take it as it goes, I'm sure you'll do fine. Remember you're not trying to trick someone into liking you, you're trying to find someone that you interact well with. It's cliche to say "be yourself", but you won't end up being happy if you have to stress over everything you say. You'll see that someone will find all of the normal things you say interesting and meaningful, in other words they'll see you the same way you see her. Think about what has drawn your attention, it's nothing really extraordinary, on simple terms you just like who these people are.

[runawayprisoner]

Well I'm glad someone feels that way anyway (someone besides me D:)
But yeah, I know it feels like you don't have anything to lose marrying someone, that being with someone will always be better than being alone, but that's really not how things often work out. The great thing about relationships is that if both people give they end up getting back more than they gave. The bad thing about relationships is that you still have to give something, and if one person doesn't end up giving enough to it (or anything at all) the other person will feel burdened, stressed, trapped, and generally miserable, and the other person will end up actually getting less than he/she gives in return. Does that make sense? This is what I see happen often. You're not going to want to be with someone who ends up expecting/demanding a lot from you and not being able to give in return. I used to feel like I'd absolutely devote myself forever to anyone who showed any interest in me, that no matter what I would make things work. It really can't work if the other person doesn't feel the same way and even if you stand by it you physically won't be able to be close to that person forever and eventually it'll fall apart whether you want to let it or not.

Quoted for the most truthful statement in the entire thread! (And hey, I'm with you on the first statement! :p)

The rest makes you sound like a father talking to his son so I won't quote... :lol: But yeah, it's all true. Here's something I've got to say:

IF and IF it doesn't turn out the way you want, best thing to do is let it be, because it won't be the way you want no matter what you do. I learned it the hard way and paid for it really hard as well. Just hope you won't go down that way.

[fried_egg]

i live in hobart indiana and i was at the blue chip the other day. maybe ill ask for her to personally wait on me next time im over there, if you take my meaning.

[FLaRe85]

I don't think it's so much that everybody here is afraid of committment, rather the majority of this forum is filled with children (13-16) or older guys that've never been with a woman and those that wouldn't know what to do with one if she fell into their lap.

[CKemu]

I desire commitment in a relationship, but to coin a phrase "I wouldn't write my vowls before I've had the first date". Entering a relationship or attempting to enter one with a percieved end result in mind is no way to go.

Relationships are dynamic, constantly changing...and frankly from what little I've read in this thread - you're not exactly dynamic, lines and veiled attempts at spending time with her (plural or otherwise) are hardly the way to go. Grab yourself by the balls and ask for her number, then txt or ring her , natter...from the comfort of your own place..you'll probably feel more comfortable and come off better, then ask to meet up sometime.

I never understood these threads, never sought relationship advice period, I guess teenagers over-think these things or something. End point is, percieved confidence and perhaps alittle less time fantasing and alittle action goes along way, its easy to trick yourself into believing there is something there when there isn't, so do something and move on....the more time you spend asking for help, the worse you're making it for yourself.

[refraction]

... why are you all so afraid of commitment? Why is marriage constantly portrayed as a bad thing nowadays? Maybe you'll have something to lose when it comes to that, but I don't.


now im going to quote red dwarf with a slight modification


Love (and marriage) is an invention by bank managers to make you overdrawn.



but imo, you dont need a piece of paper to show you love someone, im capable of doing that on my own. what that piece of paper REALLY tells me is "If i leave you, i get half your ****"

[ChankastRules]

I don't think it's so much that everybody here is afraid of committment, rather the majority of this forum is filled with children (13-16) or older guys that've never been with a woman and those that wouldn't know what to do with one if she fell into their lap.

No the problem is after you're married.... YOU ARE STUCK WITH ONE WOMAN! and you have to give up a lot of lovely ones! no more fun in life! and she'll complain everytime you want to go off and do something, since you should be with her! This is the main reason people are so afraid of commitment!

Well, or they are 13-16 or complete nerds who pee themselves if they see a pretty girl :P one of the two !

[Linktothepast]

At the age you are especially, there is nothing wrong about commitment (i guess about 40?). Most of the people here are less than 30, and want to have some fun before reaching the commitment part. Nevertheless, it is not the best thing to say when you start dating someone about marriage. You look like rushing things without thinking too much. And by the way, since you are meeting her at work, you should really go and tell her about going out sometime, and not bug her at her work, by my experience.

[runawayprisoner]

No the problem is after you're married.... YOU ARE STUCK WITH ONE WOMAN! and you have to give up a lot of lovely ones! no more fun in life! and she'll complain everytime you want to go off and do something, since you should be with her! This is the main reason people are so afraid of commitment!

Well, or they are 13-16 or complete nerds who pee themselves if they see a pretty girl :P one of the two !

Stereotype much? :p You know... it's not like you are completely stuck with one woman. I think of it this way: You get to deal with only ONE woman, and she's the one you like/love the most. Unless you are stuck with someone who doesn't understand ANYTHING about you, she will never complain about what you do and what you want to do. Heck, those that understand you will join you as well. Not like the world is full of men who whine about their wives everyday because they have nothing better to do (or aren't allowed to do a lot of things), is it? :lol:

[ChankastRules]

Not like the world is full of men who whine about their wives everyday because they have nothing better to do (or aren't allowed to do a lot of things), is it?

Which planet do you come from? :lol:

[ready2rumbelX]

This is a relatively simple scenario....even though it may not seem like it, there's a good chance that it isn't so bad....why? Cause everyone has their instinct and their personal preference.

If there is a scenario where, it happens that, there are two (or more) women that are involved, it's suggested to break it down this way...

There is a distinction between genuine attraction/desire/preference or the interest of your penis. You seem, both kick off for any woman that is found appealing from either case. If the primary proposition comes from the penis, the genuine preference will appear as well, although not as much. Then there is the case of visa-versa. If you are attracted genuinely, with thoughts of some form of development, the penis will be involved as well.

Now, with that in mind, it's a matter of what you, personally, desire. If it's mutual, and both party members wish to indulge each others privates, by all means....knock yourself out!!!! It's not a 'severe' problem whatsoever. If you wish to develop the genuine interest that you have for him/her, then go for it! The privates will still be involved.

....not to say that the desire for the action of the privates to do it's job (:p) is not desired, but it falls short in a small way......it's very temporary and impulsive.

So before flaming commences, this is from the standpoint that a relationship with the opposite sex is supposed to be a matter of exploring each other, in all ways that count for a human to be satisfied; or at least wanting to be genuinely open. As much as one night stands can be an enjoying experience, it's like its energy wasted on something that it should be used on for something more.....productive; literally, internally......blah blah, so on......:)

As long as your desire is in agreement with your instinct (which is pretty blatant....), I mean, come on! You know deep down that, as much as there are three or more women that you can feel for, there's always gonna be one that you wish for the most.

.....I truely hope I haven't been spurting out garbage.....cause as much as I wish for sex (like any other dude) there's something more to it.....you can have sex, fine. But, what about sex and something more along with it? And for it? And from it? Without that more, the only thing you can really explore is different styles/positions.

r2rX :)

[blueshogun96]

Lately I've been battling a lot of spy/adware on my PC so I haven't kept up with this thread for a while. Plus everytime I try to respond to the thread, I'm always interrupted one way or another. Yesterday, I got a chance to hit on #2 (I won't be able to hit on #1 for the rest of the week). BTW, I did know her name the whole time, but I always forget that I knew, stupid me :) Her name is Chris. I was making her laugh the whole time I was there, but then the office closed and they had to kick me out so I didn't get a chance to get the number. Dammit...

Well I'm glad someone feels that way anyway (someone besides me D:)
But yeah, I know it feels like you don't have anything to lose marrying someone, that being with someone will always be better than being alone, but that's really not how things often work out. The great thing about relationships is that if both people give they end up getting back more than they gave. The bad thing about relationships is that you still have to give something, and if one person doesn't end up giving enough to it (or anything at all) the other person will feel burdened, stressed, trapped, and generally miserable, and the other person will end up actually getting less than he/she gives in return. Does that make sense? This is what I see happen often. You're not going to want to be with someone who ends up expecting/demanding a lot from you and not being able to give in return. I used to feel like I'd absolutely devote myself forever to anyone who showed any interest in me, that no matter what I would make things work. It really can't work if the other person doesn't feel the same way and even if you stand by it you physically won't be able to be close to that person forever and eventually it'll fall apart whether you want to let it or not.

I definitely stand by the advice of "be friends first", although it's really uncommon for people to do that. Think about the closest friends you have, do you ever feel that these haven't been equal relationships? You probably really understand your friends, even if you don't think about it. Relationships often fail because in the end people don't understand each other at all, and even if they're willing to provide for each other they can't. Going just on attraction alone is a really bad idea because unless you're someone who just wants a beautiful person around all the time and will pay any price for that then it just isn't going to carry a meaningful two way relationship.

There's some criticism, but I'm not sure it applies to someone like yourself who is looking for a serious permanent relationship. If a woman tells you she's afraid of ruining your friendship then that means she values it more than she would a relationship with you. You're looking for a relationship that's even more important than a friendship, one that supercedes it. If someone sees a conflict between friendships and relationships then they're probably not looking for a serious relationship or don't have any confidence in them working out (and thus probably won't try very hard). I'm not sure this is what you're looking for.



I think you should take it as it goes, I'm sure you'll do fine. Remember you're not trying to trick someone into liking you, you're trying to find someone that you interact well with. It's cliche to say "be yourself", but you won't end up being happy if you have to stress over everything you say. You'll see that someone will find all of the normal things you say interesting and meaningful, in other words they'll see you the same way you see her. Think about what has drawn your attention, it's nothing really extraordinary, on simple terms you just like who these people are.

Wise advice sir, I like that :)

Quoted for the most truthful statement in the entire thread! (And hey, I'm with you on the first statement!
Agreed :)
btw, good luck getting away from whoever captured you :p

i live in hobart indiana and i was at the blue chip the other day. maybe ill ask for her to personally wait on me next time im over there, if you take my meaning.
Sure thing, she's the supervisor of the deli. She works nights only on sundays and mondays. :evil:


I desire commitment in a relationship, but to coin a phrase "I wouldn't write my vowls before I've had the first date". Entering a relationship or attempting to enter one with a percieved end result in mind is no way to go.

Relationships are dynamic, constantly changing...and frankly from what little I've read in this thread - you're not exactly dynamic, lines and veiled attempts at spending time with her (plural or otherwise) are hardly the way to go. Grab yourself by the balls and ask for her number, then txt or ring her , natter...from the comfort of your own place..you'll probably feel more comfortable and come off better, then ask to meet up sometime.

I never understood these threads, never sought relationship advice period, I guess teenagers over-think these things or something. End point is, percieved confidence and perhaps alittle less time fantasing and alittle action goes along way, its easy to trick yourself into believing there is something there when there isn't, so do something and move on....the more time you spend asking for help, the worse you're making it for yourself.
Another wise post sir. I know someone like you wouldn't ever need to post a thread like this. I heard you're a real ladies man/girl hog (says General Plot). Hell, the greatest womanizer I've ever known is from UK. :bow:

Also, I'm not a teenager if that's what you thought.

but imo, you dont need a piece of paper to show you love someone, im capable of doing that on my own. what that piece of paper REALLY tells me is "If i leave you, i get half your ****"
:lol:

No the problem is after you're married.... YOU ARE STUCK WITH ONE WOMAN! and you have to give up a lot of lovely ones! no more fun in life! and she'll complain everytime you want to go off and do something, since you should be with her! This is the main reason people are so afraid of commitment!
What if none of the above are a problem to me? I don't mind one woman, hell, that's all I ever want. No one (not even CKemu) can have all the hottest women that walk by, so it's no big deal for me. I wouldn't mind spending time with my wife hours/days/weeks at a time. I look forward to all of these things.

There is a distinction between genuine attraction/desire/preference or the interest of your penis.
/me unzips pants and begins talking to muh willy. :p

Tell her you are gay. Girls love gays.
True, but doesn't make a lick of sense on the logical side. Girls also hate liars.

[ChankastRules]

What if none of the above are a problem to me? I don't mind one woman, hell, that's all I ever want. No one (not even CKemu) can have all the hottest women that walk by, so it's no big deal for me. I wouldn't mind spending time with my wife hours/days/weeks at a time. I look forward to all of these things.


Wow, you are so mature in this aspect Blue... really good luck to you, I am sure a lot of women are looking for such a man.

[blueshogun96]

Wow, you are so mature in this aspect Blue... really good luck to you, I am sure a lot of women are looking for such a man.

That's one reason why I like 40+ women :D

[runawayprisoner]

btw, good luck getting away from whoever captured you :p

Thanks? But I don't want to get away. :p She doesn't ask of me anything but I still want to chain myself up for her. Girls like... emo gays, you know. :lol:

True, but doesn't make a lick of sense on the logical side. Girls also hate liars.

/cough

Okay... but seriously, it's not that girls like gays... but they like men who have effeminate physiques... and especially those that are emotional, miserable... etc... because they want to have that sense of accomplishment... when they get those guys to be happy/healthier. :p

What if none of the above are a problem to me? I don't mind one woman, hell, that's all I ever want. No one (not even CKemu) can have all the hottest women that walk by, so it's no big deal for me. I wouldn't mind spending time with my wife hours/days/weeks at a time. I look forward to all of these things.

That's one reason why I like 40+ women

Eh... when you do something, enjoy it and mind nothing else! :lol: