good jokes !

[mr2000jp]

sandie , you gave me an idea :idea:
what is your favourate joke (every one )?
place a good joke in here .
;)

[Sandie]

He he hope I didn't start anything annoying :p I'm not sure that my favorite joke would go over well in here. Most people I have told it to think it's funny BUT some may not. SO if anyone wants to hear it just PM me and I'll tell you. In the mean time lets see if I can think of one more appropriate for the boards..... hmm ok here's one.....


As a mother was working in the kitchen she was listening to her son playing
with his new electric train in the living room. She heard the train stop and
her son say, "All of you sons of *****es who want off, get the hell off now,
cause this is the last stop! And all of you sons of *****es who are getting
on, get your asses in the train, cause we're going down the tracks."

The horrified mother went in and told her son, "We don't use that kind of
language in this house! Now I want you to go to your room and you will stay
there for TWO HOURS. When you come out, you may play with your train, but I
want you to use nice language."

Two hours later, the son came out of the bedroom and resumed playing with
his train. Soon the train stopped and the mother heard her son say, "All
passengers who are disembarking the train, please remember to take all of
your belongings with you. We thank you for riding with us today and hope
your trip was a pleasant one. We hope you will ride with us again soon."
She hears the little boy continue, "For those of you just boarding, we ask
you to stow all of your hand luggage under your seat. Remember, there is no
smoking on the train. We hope you will have a pleasant and relaxing journey
with us today."

As the mother began to smile, the child added, "For those of you who are
pissed off about the TWO HOUR delay, please see the ***** in the kitchen."

Hope I didn't offend anyone :eyemove:

[campaign2016]

Three mice were sitting at a bar doing shots of whiskey and talking about how tough they were.
The first mouse takes a shot and says "I'm so tough I steal the cheese off mouse traps and then bench press the bar twenty times" He then downs another shot.

The next mouse takes a shot and says "Thats nothin' I sniff rat poison for fun" and then he takes another shot

The third mouse just sits quietly and after two shots he stands up to leave. The first two mice start laughing at him and calling him weakling and the like. The third mouse gets to the door turns around and says "I'm going home to screw the cat"

[Betamax]

OI! Im Irish and don't forget it!!!

Only we are allowed to slag ourselves off!

There are 3 men Pady the irishman, Billy the Scotsman and George the Englishman. They are standing on top of a magic cliff. By jumping from this cliff and crying out there hearts desire they shall land in it. George goes first. He jumps and yells Money and lands in a sea of money. He gathers as much as he can and leaves.

Now Billy jumps, yells women and lands in a sea of beautiful women. He gathers as much as he can then leaves.

Now its pady's turn. he starts to run to the cliff but trips and falls over yelling...

" Holy ****TTTTTTTTTTTTTT!"

[Betamax]

Knock! Knock!

[campaign2016]

Originally posted by Betamax
Knock! Knock!

Who's there?

[Betamax]

Originally posted by campaign2016


Who's there?

Doctor

[Musashi]

Originally posted by Betamax


Doctor

The Doctor ???:spy:

[LanGaidin]

ROFLMAO That's gotta be the funniest knock knock joke I've ever seen, just because I've never actually seen someone jump in a ruin one like that, before. :D

What's so funny is that I'm not sure if Musashi really didn't catch what was going on, or if he did that deliberately. :p

[campaign2016]

Ooppss
My Bad

Ummmm.....

Doctor Who?
:rolleyes:

[Betamax]

Originally posted by campaign2016
Ooppss
My Bad

Ummmm.....

Doctor Who?
:rolleyes:

%$£%^&* how'd you guess! :p

[Musashi]

Originally posted by Disturbed
I think Musashi understood the joke...

Me... I don't understand anything...

[campaign2016]

Originally posted by Musashi


Me... I don't understand anything...


I just fake it most of the time too

[Ryos]

My favorite joke can't be posted here because it would corrupt the youth of America. Then the conservative religious would come to my house and burn it down. Oh... :(

[campaign2016]

damn those youth of America :D

[Betamax]

They could be any worse than the little Sh1ts that are here in Belfast. They bomb schools!:eek:

[campaign2016]

our kids dont bomb schools

they just go on rampages with hunting riffles and machine guns:mg: :laser: :rockets: :smash:

[Xenomorph]

Joke... a good one...

A man went to store and he had an axe.

[SimonMallion]

Ok, crap joke: A man walks into a bar, and says: 'Ouch!'.

Ok, another crap one: What do you call a woman with a pint of beer on her head? Beatrix.

Ok, last one: What do you call a woman with a pint on her head, playing snooker? Beatrix Potter.

[campaign2016]

this was supposed to be for good jokes like this one

The blind man picked up the hammer and saw

:p

[Betamax]

Must resist urge......


:D :D :D :D :D Why did the chicken cross the road? :D :D :D :D :D

Damn.

[LanGaidin]

OMG, someone PLEASE close this thread before one of us goes insane from reading it,a nd becomes the next person to shoot up a schoolyard, in hopes that one of the people who told these jokes is there...

[Adair]

Sorry all you Michael Jackson fans out there, but I think this is funny

Q: How are Michael Jackson and Astronauts different?

[Adair]

A: astronauts walk on the moon...


and Michael Jackson likes to sex with little boys.

[Ryos]

Originally posted by LanGaidin
OMG, someone PLEASE close this thread before one of us goes insane from reading it,a nd becomes the next person to shoot up a schoolyard, in hopes that one of the people who told these jokes is there...

Um...need to have some reason to do so. Unless there's some kind of illegal - oh wait, pedophilia! Let's lock this sucker! Ahem, pun intended.